


Light in the Black

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Angst, Canon, Drama, Ethan Gold Bashing, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Points of View, Romance, Sequel, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-30
Updated: 2005-09-24
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:35:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Sequel to 'Sunday Morning'.  Justin and Brian deal with new problems.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

**Author’s Note** : Two weeks later. (( 2 weeks after the chapter: Soulfire. ))

* * *

  


 

\-------------------------------------  
And everywhere I look I see your face   
On the face of others  
And I can't escape the pain  
 **Losing my Grip-Hoobastank**  
\-------------------------------------

 

**Brian**   


“Hi!”

I had barely walked through the door when Justin’s arms were wrapped sturdily around my neck and his lips were on mine. I let my briefcase fall on the floor along with my coat that I had abandoned while walking up here so I could wrap my arms around the blonde and pull him closer to me. I used one of my hands to slam the door shut. I’d have to lock it later. Lips still connected I walked backwards until I fall over the arm of the sofa. Justin landed comfortable on top of me, hands digging through my hair. I tell myself I hate it when he does that but, in all honesty, that’s a lie. I love it when he does that. His lips finally pry away from mine when we both need a breather.

“I missed you.”

“I was only gone for a few hours.”

Although it was Saturday I had had a meeting with the other employees at Kinnetic. It had been pointless, boring and totally unproductive. We hadn’t even really talked about the business at all. It was just the “rule” that we should have a meeting at least once a month to catch up on everything happening at Kinnetic. Total. Waste. Of. My. Time. Especially since, during the whole “meeting” I knew Justin was just waiting for me to come home and throw him down on my bed and fuck him until he couldn’t speak or think coherently. Needless to say, I had been hard during the entire “meeting”. “Well, it _felt_ like a long time.” I grin and capture his lips with mine again. A few seconds later I pull back. “Yeah, tell me about it.”

“So what’d you guys discuss?”

I raised an eyebrow.

“You really want to know about the meeting _right_ now?”

I lifted my hips against his as if to emphasize my point. He only laughed and nodded. I can tell he’s trying to be as annoying as possible. “It was boring. The end.” He rolls his eyes and gets off of me. I groan in protest and sit up, watching him over the back of the couch as he strides towards the kitchen. “What do you want for lunch?” I grin and let myself fall back down on the couch, eyes closing. “Aw, you’re the perfect little housewife. You cook and everything.” Suddenly his blonde head appears over the top of the couch and, my body just senses him whenever he’s near, I open my eyes and meet his. He’s looking down at me with the look that says “Shut up or you aren’t getting any tonight.” I smile sweetly up at him.

“That’s a good thing of course.”

He smiled and, even though I’ve told him not to do it countless times, he tips himself over the top of the couch and lands on top of me. He almost rolls right off me and onto the floor but I catch him before that can happen. “Brian?” I take a deep breath, his scent sweetly intoxicating me, and push my nose through his hair, mouth brushing along the skin of his neck. He snuggles – Yes. Snuggles. And I allow this kind of behavior but not because I like it. – closer against me, arms wrapping around my neck. “What, Sunshine?” One of my hands, on it’s own accord of course, slides up under his shirt and runs along the smooth skin of his back. I love his skin. “Did I…did I get any mail today?” I immediately stiffen at the words. Mail is like a bad word in our- **my** house.

“I-I didn’t look.”

I prayed to God, if there is one anyway, that he didn’t get any mail. It had all started a week ago. Justin getting mail. Sure, not a big deal. Everyone gets mail at some point whether it be from a friend or the doctor’s office reminding you that you have an appointment the next day. But this hadn’t been just any letter. This had been a fucked up kind of letter. The kind of letter that people get in the movies that are being stalked or something. And, no doubt, it was from Ethan. Justin had told me so after we for the first one. Ethan hadn’t done much to hide that fact. Justin had quickly told me it was Ethan’s handwriting. All it had said was ‘ _I’m watching you_ ’. How stupid was that? I hadn’t known they had even used that line anymore.

Stalkers these days.

Since it hadn’t sounded threatening in any way shape or form we hadn’t called the police. We had both figured it had been a one-time thing. Plus, the police probably would’ve laughed when they saw it. ‘I’m watching you’. Seriously. Could the letter get any lamer? Then, two days after that one, he had gotten another one. It had said the exact same thing. Same handwriting. _Whoop-dee-doo_. Of course, Justin had been more then a little freaked out at the fact that Ethan was somehow watching him even though we were on one of the higher floors of the building. I had comforted him in the fact that Ethan would probably pop a vein if he saw us fucking. So we did. Right in front of the open window on the couch.

It had made him feel better.

A day later: Same letter. The next day, Friday, he had gotten another one. Again. Same exact thing. It was really starting to get annoying too. On Saturday he hadn’t gotten one. On Sunday they didn’t even deliver mail so none. Now, this week we haven’t received one so, Justin was in a good mood and when Justin was in a good mood that meant it was going to be a long, no-sleeping night. So, all in all, it had been a great week. A letter-free-for-Justin week. I shrugged. I hadn’t even checked what mail we-I had gotten today. “I don’t know. It’s in the pocket of my coat.” He made a move to get off, I quickly stopped him by grabbing his arm, and held him in place. “You probably don’t.” Justin looked unsure.

“Let me check.”

I really didn’t want him to because if he did that meant Justin would be worried the whole rest of the afternoon and night. I hated it when he was worried because he would walk around the loft for hours, avoiding the window at all cost, or just sit in my bedroom with his sketchpad drawing like a maniac. I let go of his arm and nodded. “Fine.” The blonde scurried off of me and over next to the door where I had dropped my coat and briefcase a few minutes ago. “Lock the door while you’re over there.” He did so and I listened as he picked up my coat, the material rustling around, and then as he dropped it on the floor again and began shifting through today’s mail. I think I heard his breath hitch. “What’s wrong?” I sit up and watch him over the edge of the sofa again. His expression can only mean one thing.

I cursed.

“Don’t open it and get your ass over here.”

My bad mood had kicked in. Nodding, Justin set the other mail on the kitchen counter and walked slowly towards me. When he reached the couch he sat down next to me, holding the letter out to me. Whenever he got a letter, I opened it. I stared at it for a second and then looked over at him. “You know…we don’t have to open it. It probably says the same thing.” He looks at me worriedly and slowly shakes his head. “But – What if it doesn’t? What if has, like, a threat to come take me _away_ from you?” I smile softly at him and brush my lips quickly against his. “No one’s going to take you away from me. I promise.” I’ve noticed something over the last two weeks since I’ve fucked him for the first time.

I’m becoming more and more…lesbianic everyday. Frightening.

Sighing, I stare down at the white envelope and then open it. If that’s what he wants to do then we’ll open it. I wish we didn’t have to though. But when I open it and read it I’m kind of glad I did. It didn’t say the usual ‘I’m watching you’ shit. Instead it said ‘I can see you right now’ and a few other things that had to do with hurting people that were important to him if he didn’t come back to him by tomorrow evening. I shoved the letter back in the envelope and threw it on the coffee table in front of the sofa. I looked over at Justin, he looked scared shitless, which was totally understandable and I pulled him close to me. There would definitely be no fucking tonight. And I would definitely not be leaving the blonde home alone anymore.

\-------------------------------------

**Justin**   


I’m scared shitless.

Not even Brian’s arms around me help the situation. What did he mean he was going to hurt people close to me if I didn’t “return to him tomorrow evening at seven”? This is the most…ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of. To even think that someone is stalking me is ridiculous. I never thought this could happen to me. I always thought this was something that would never have to do with me. I thought it would just…stay in the movies and away from me forever. I guess I should’ve known Ethan wouldn’t give up. Ethan never gives up. I stare at the envelope on the table and then at the large window overlooking Pittsburgh and the many other buildings. I’m sure that if someone had a pair of binoculars then they could see from the building across the street into Brian’s window and on the couch where we sat. After all – he said he was watching me right _now_.

“Can you – can you shut the blinds?”

Brian lets go of me and hurries over to the window, shutting the blinds and then proceeding to draw the white billowy curtains. I felt slightly better now that I knew no one could see through the giant window. I stare at the floor as Brian pads back to the couch and then slides down next to me, arms encircling me once again and pulling me close against his chest. “Do-Do you think he meant what he said? That he’d hurt my friends if I didn’t go back to him?” Brian lets out a long sigh. That can’t be good. “Well, he _is_ mental.” I swallow and tilt my head back on his shoulder so I can look up at his face. He doesn’t look at me at first. He looks extremely pissed though. His jaw is clenched the way it clenches when he’s really angry.

“What if…what if he tries to hurt you?”

The very thought makes me even more scared. And I’m already really freaked out by all of this. How can I not be? This is one of the most frightening things that has ever happened to me before. This time he looks at me, a supposed to be reassuring smile on his face, and rests his forehead against mind. “He can’t hurt me.” I decide that Brian is wrong. “Yes, he can. Like you said, he’s insane. We should call the police. This is more threatening then the other ones.” I leap off the couch and head over to the phone that’s sitting on the little stand he has set up. Suddenly I feel Brian’s hand grabbing the back of my shirt. I spin around to look up at him with a raised eyebrow. He stares down at me, exasperated expression on his face.

“They won’t believe you.”

“Why? What makes you say that?”

Brian sighed and lets go of me.

“Because everyone thinks he straight and sane. Why the hell would _Ethan Gold_ do this? They’ll never believe you. They’ll just think you’re some angry man who didn’t get his autograph at one of his performances and blow you off. They won’t believe you. It’s a waste of time.”

He’s right. I sigh and just stand there and run a hand furiously through my hair. “Doesn’t Debbie have a cop friend? That guy…Carl Horvath?” He had been the one to question me at the hospital on the Sunday of the car wreck. Sometime between then and now Debbie and him had become friends. Everyone else thought friends wasn’t the right term. More like a couple or something. Brian nodded. “Yeah…but…there’s only so much one cop can do but…yeah, go ahead and call him.” I watch as he walks away, across the loft, up onto his platform and then fall down on the large bed. Sighing, I follow him. I can always call Carl later. We’re supposed to go to Debbie’s tonight for dinner anyway. Carl will probably be there. I can talk to him then. Well, Brian can talk to him. He’d probably be better.

I fall down next to him.

“What are we gonna do?”

“What’d you mean?”

I sigh. “Should we _stay_ here? I mean, he obviously knows where you live. Maybe we should leave until…it gets sorted out.” Brian’s silent for a moment. He probably won’t want to leave his loft. He’s in love with his loft. It’s his pride and joy. I sigh and roll over on my back to stare at the ceiling. I shouldn’t have even asked. Brian’s not going to want to leave his loft and there’s no way I’m leaving the loft without Brian. Brian’s my…protector. “You don’t feel safe here.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. I sigh and roll back over on my side to stare at my boyfriend? Lover? I don’t know what to call him. We’ve never discussed it.

“I feel safe with _you_.”

“But not here.”

I sigh again and then nod.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

He opens his eyes and scoots closer to me, arm moving to wrap around my back and bring me closer to his body. I allow myself to be moved and I wrap both arms around him, one of my hands thrusting into his hair. “Where would we even go?” I shrug. Is he actually contemplating on leaving the loft for a little while? I rack my brain trying to think of someplace where we could stay for a little while but nothing comes to mind. I close my eyes and wrap my arms tighter around the man next to me. “I could rent a place out for a little while…” I open my eyes to meet those of Brian’s. I smile slightly. “You would do that?” Brian raises an eyebrow. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“I just mean that you love your loft.”

He doesn’t say anything and I offer him a cheeky smile.

“But I guess you just love **me** more.”

He doesn’t say anything. He’s never really said he’s loved me before. The closest thing he’s ever said to loving me is that he cared about me. He only smiles and leans in to kiss me, long and slow. I guess that’s all I need to see that he loves me. “I’ll figure something out, Sunshine. I thought you were going to make me lunch.” I grin and shake my head. “Not after you called me a housewife. You can make your own lunch. I think you’re quite capable of doing so. By the way, don’t forget. We’re going to eat at Debbie’s tonight.” Brian groaned. “Let me guess – A family dinner.” I grin and nod. “Yeah, that’s what she called it. I guess that means I’m part of your family and that I’m _never_ leaving.” Brian smiles over at me, hand fingering my hair.

“So I guess I am going to be stuck with your immaturity forever.”

“I am _not_ immature.”

“Whatever you say, Sunshine.”

“I’m not!”

“Yes you are. You’re immature and you giggle.”

I push him away and roll over on my back, arms crossing over my chest. “I do not giggle.” I hear him snort and move to sit up. “See, now you’re _pouting_. You’re immature and,” His face moves to hover over mine. “You do too giggle.” I roll my eyes. “Fine. I’m immature but I don’t giggle.” Brian grins and suddenly his hands are on my sides, my most ticklish spot, and he’s tickling me like there’s no tomorrow. And I’m…fuck. I am giggling. I clamp my mouth shut and squirm to get away from him and, eventually, I jump off the bed and run off the platform to keep my distance. 

I’m breathless so It’s kind of hard to speak.

“Fine – you got me. I…giggle.”

He smiles triumphantly and steps off the platform in long strides until I’m pushed against a wall and trapped between his arms and body. “Don’t worry, Sunshine. I _like_ it when you giggle.” I roll my eyes. “Yeah. Right.” He smirks and grabs both of my hands, holding them high above my head, his body pressing harder against mine and his forehead leaning against mine too. “Really – It turns me on.” I grin and struggle, trying to get him to let go of my wrists. “ _Everything_ turns you on.” He pretends to think about it for a few seconds before shrugging his shoulders.

“You might be right but…you giggling goes,”

He rams his hips into mine for emphasis.

“Straight to,” Rams his hips again. “My,” Oh, God, _again_. “ _Dick_.” He rams even harder and his lips connect with mine. All thoughts of the letter and moving out of the loft for a little while soon fly out of my head and all I can think about is Brian ramming into me all afternoon. Before I even know what’s happening, his hands release my arms and they replace themselves on my ass where they proceed to lift me up off the floor. I hook my legs around his waist automatically and he’s soon carrying me away from the wall, up onto his platform, and down on his bed, his weight falling on top of me. I keep my legs locked around his body wanting to feel as close as possible. I grip his neck with my hands and keep our mouths connected despite the fact that I, we, have to breathe.

Then there’s a knock on the door. Loud. _Fuck_.

\-------------------------------------

**Brian**   


Fuck. I pull my mouth away from his with a loud groan. This cannot be happening. I wait to see if maybe, just maybe, the person on the other side of my door will just…go away when I don’t answer it the first time. They don’t go away. They just keep right on knocking. “Fuck.” I sit up, ignoring the raging hard on that I have at the moment and swing my legs over the edge of the bed. Justin’s hand on my wrist stops me from going anywhere just yet. “ _Please_ don’t answer it.” I don’t know if it’s because he wants me to fuck his brains out or because he’s scared about who might be on the other side. Or maybe both. I lean down and kiss him quickly on the lips.

“They won’t go away. I’ll tell whoever it is to fuck off.”

He groans in annoyance and I hurry off the platform and to the front door. Someone downstairs must’ve left the door open. Usually I have to buzz people up. I stand on the other side of the door. “Who is it?” Silence. Then: “It’s Daphne. Is this a bad time?” I quickly open the door so I can show her just how bad of a time it is. My boner isn’t exactly hard to miss. “Yes, this is a _very_ bad time. I’m trying to fuck your friend. ‘Trying’ being the key word here.” She smiles and shrugs. “Well, sorry, Mr. Grumpy,” I interrupt. “More like, Mr. Horny as hell. I wouldn’t be horny, though, if you would just _leave_. Hint, hint.” She only laughs and strides past me. She obviously doesn’t plan on leaving yet. Despite the fucking fact that I’m clearly telling her that this is a bad time.

“I guess I’ll just have to fuck him in front of you.”

She shrugs.

“Fine by me.”

“Fuck. I forgot you got off on guy on guy action.”

“That’s right.”

I groan and follow her into the kitchen. “Is there a specific reason as to why you are here?” She turned around and nodded. She had gotten an apple out of my fridge like she lived here. In a way, she kind of did. She’s been here a lot lately. Because of her best-friend who’s still lying in my bedroom. Probably very disappointed that Daphne won’t leave. “Actually, yeah. I just came,” I muttered something under my breath about not being able to come yet because of a certain annoying girl. She ignored me. “Because one, I wanted to remind you to be at Debbie’s tonight and, I wanted to know if any…letters came today.” I glared at her. Sure, just bring that up. Now my dick’s never going to be satisfied.

“Actually, yes, we did. Now go away.”

“Did it say the same thing?”

“No. Please leave.”

“You don’t have to be so _rude_.”

I wanted to strangle her right now…even though I do like her. Just not right now.

“Look at my dick! I have a right to be rude. It’s going to fall off if you don’t leave.”

“Good.”

I glare at her. 

“No, that is _not_ good. I need my dick.”

She shrugged, throwing the apple core away. “I don’t think you need it. Especially since you’re being so mean to your sister-in-law.” I raised an eyebrow. “What the fuck are you talking about? For one, Justin and I aren’t married. I don’t know what the hell gave you that idea and secondly, you aren’t his sister so even if by some…fucked up chance we did get married…you **wouldn’t** be my sister-in-law. Especially if I kill you right now.” Daphne smirked up at me and shrugged. “You wouldn’t do that. Justin would kill you. Plus, I am his sister. I might as well be anyway so there.” I groan in exasperation.

“Can you please leave? I said please.”

She laughed.

“Fine. But after I see the letter. Where is it?”

“On the coffee table.”

I follow her out of the kitchen and to the coffee table. By that time Justin’s wandered off of the platform, his shirt long enough to hide his little problem. I send him an apologetic look. “Sorry, your _sister_ , here, is intruding. I’ve asked her to leave but she won’t.” Daphne shot me a glare and picked up the envelope, reading and then tucking it away again. I can tell she’s disturbed but I know she’s trying to act calm for Justin’s sake. Justin didn’t answer me. Instead he turned to Daphne, worried look on his face. “Daph, you should be careful. He might try and…hurt you.” Daphne shrugged. “Yeah, he already threatened to kill me.” Justin’s eyes widened. I quickly butted in.

“She’s talking about me, Sunshine.”

I turn to Daphne.

“God, don’t give him a fucking heart attack.”

Daphne bit her bottom lip, obviously sorry.

“Oh, sorry. Yeah, of course. I’ll be careful, Jus. Plus, it’s not like he knows where I live. I’m also leaving town with my boyfriend for a few weeks. We’re going to New York. That’s another reason I came here. To tell you.” Justin looked relieved. Probably because he knew she was be safe as long as she was away from him. He reached over and hugged her, taking care not to touch here with any of his lower body, I notice. I can’t help but smile slightly, turning away to walk into my kitchen. I keep myself occupied by grabbing a bottle of water. “Have fun.” Daphne headed towards the door. “I will. Keep safe. Oh, I’ll see you at the dinner tonight too. You should talk to Carl.” I nodded at her.

“We were planning to.”

I sent her a look that clearly said for her to leave. She offered one last smile.

“Well – bye. Happy…fucking.”

I rolled my eyes. “Thanks, Daphne. I didn’t know you cared.” Without another word, only a smile, she walked out the door and shut the door. Justin quickly wandered over to it and locked it, frown still on his face. “What if he tries to hurt her?” I shook my head. Damn her and her intruding tendencies. “He won’t. She’s leaving for New York. She’ll be fine. Plus, he’s probably focusing on me anyway. Relax.” I obviously said the wrong thing because he immediately freaked out at the prospect of me getting hurt. He turns towards me, arms crossed over his chest, and shakes his head, eyes slightly wide. “Oh, well, that just makes me feel _so much better_ …knowing that he’s probably after you.” I give him, what I hope is, a reassuring smile and walk towards him.

When I reach him I grab his arms and force him to look up at me.

“Justin. Listen to me. Are you listening?”

He only nods.

“Nothing’s going to happen to me. I promise. The little asshole doesn’t have a chance against me. Plus, we’re going to leave as soon as possible. We’ll leave Pittsburgh for a while,” My hands wander up his arms and up to the sides of his face, thumbs caressing the soft skin of his cheeks. “And it’ll be fine. Carl will nail his ass and then we can live happily ever after.” I make sure to make my voice sound a little sarcastic when I say the ‘Happily ever after’ part so he doesn’t think I’m serious about it. Not that I am! I smile down at him and lean my head down to kiss him. He ends up being the one to break it, his hands clinging onto the front of my shirt and his eyes watery with unshed tears that I know he doesn’t want to cry. I know it makes him feel stupid, when he cries.

“I love you.”

Yeah, I love you too. I just won’t say it. I only nod and kiss him. I show him instead.


	2. Light in the Black

  


 

\--------------------------------------------

I reach out and I touch you  
And I know that I need you  
And I know that I need your touch  
You reach out and touch me  
And I know that I need your touch  
 **Your Touch - Kutless**

\--------------------------------------------

**Brian**   


Despite the fact that Daphne had freaked him out all over again because she insisted that I let her look at the letter, Justin still let me fuck him. I would’ve been fine – Fine not content though – with just kissing him after he told me he loved me but he carried on, after dragging me onto the bed, hand sliding down my still clothed chest and to the bulge in my jeans, fingers stroking the rough denim. Well, if that’s what Justin wanted then he was definitely going to get it. Especially since he was asking so nicely. Then he decided to still his hand and just keep it there as a reminder of what his hand _could_ be doing at the moment. Teasing little bastard.

Growling, I reached down there myself, unbuttoned my jeans, pulled down the zipper, and released his lips. I got up on my knees struggling to get the tight jeans off my legs and, when I finally succeeded, I threw them on the floor. Nothing was underneath; I preferred it this way – Quicker Access – and tore off my shirt as quickly as possible. One man naked, one more to go. I hovered my body over the blonde’s again, his blue eyes dilated and darker then usual. I liked how his eyes always got darker when he was horny and just waiting for me to plow into his perfect tight ass. He knew it too. He is such a fucking bastard. Albeit, a fucking hot bastard. I pulled his hands, which had been in my hair, above his head.

I held them there.

He acts like he hates it when I keep his hands captive like this but I know he likes it. I’m not blind and he always gets off on being trapped under me with nowhere to go. Not that I wouldn’t let him go if he really wanted to. With my free hand I begin to slowly pull down the sweat pants that he likes to tramp around the house in. I hate/love it when he wears them, all loose and just barely hanging on his narrow hips and then managing to cup his ass just right so that I can’t contain myself. “You’re such a tease.” He smiles under me, lifting his hips off the mattress so that I can get his pants off and so he can brush up against me.

“I’m sorry.”

Yeah. Right. He isn’t and he doesn’t sound like it either.

“Liar.”

He grins up at me again as I start to lift up his shirt. Then I realize something. It’s not his shirt. It’s my shirt. I raise an eyebrow and he knows that I know. He only looks up at me innocently. Extremely horny but innocently. “Why are you wearing _my_ shirt? What did I tell you about that?” He knows I’m not really angry – Asshole – and he only shrugs his shoulders, tongue coming out to swipe his swollen lips. I don’t give in to temptation and I stare down at him, fingers still tugging at the shirt he’s wearing. “You have your own clothes.” Though…this shirt looks really hot on him. Maybe I could tell him to leave it on while we’re fucking because…yeah. Then again, he looks hot whenever he wears my clothes. And he knows it.

“Because these smell like you.”

“Fucking stalk-“

I cut myself off although he knows what I’m about to say. Fuck. Totally the wrong thing to say. I clamp my mouth shut and mentally ream myself out with every curse word I can think of. “I didn’t mean to say that.” He doesn’t say anything for a few moments and I realize that I’ve probably killed the mood and that he’ll probably push me off and go check to make sure none of his things are missing. He then smiles at me. It’s small and not as happy as it had been a few seconds ago but it’s a smile nonetheless. “It doesn’t matter.” Yes. It. Does. He knows it too. He just won’t say it. I know he’s tired of…crying and being scared. He probably thinks that I think he’s a coward or something stupid like that.

“Yes, it does.”

There I go. I’m probably going to kill the mood for the rest of the night. He shifts under me and I try not to moan when his bare cock brushes against mine. I try my best to ignore it because this, the whole stalker thing that’s going on, does matter. “I-can we talk about this later?” My cock agrees with him. My whole body agrees with him but my mind, and this is a first, disagrees. It’s saying that we should talk now. I only nod, seeing his expression, and take his lips captive with mine, he arches into me automatically and I focus only on fucking my…Justin. Boyfriend. Lover. I don’t know what to call him.

What do you call someone who lives with you that you kiss, fuck, and sleep with?

I guess he is my boyfriend…not that I’ll say that out loud at the moment. Though I’ll have to at some point. I push the thought away and reach over to my nightstand for a condom and bottle of lube. I rip the package open with my teeth, spit the trash somewhere, and hand him the condom. “Put it on me.” He does as I ask without a word and only a smile. I inwardly gasp as his hands touch my cock. I wish he would’ve kept them there for a bit longer. He falls back down on his back, blonde hair splayed out on the dark blue pillow, pale body contrasting with the dark blue of my sheets – God, he’s fucking beautiful. But that’s what I think whenever he’s lying on my bed, clothes on or off. That’s what I think _whenever_ I see him for that matter.

“Ready?”

I grab his legs and hold them on my shoulders, kneeling on my knees and staring down at the man who still looks too young to not live with his parents. He smiles up at me. “Yes.” I wish he wouldn’t smile like that but my wish doesn’t come true. It never does. He always smiles like that – Lustfully, happily, dazedly, and…lovingly – when we have sex. I smile back; push forward into his tight orifice. I watch as his eyes squeeze shut, as his head digs back into the pillow and his fingers clench tightly into the sheets. He looks so…fucking wanton. “B- _Brian_ …” I thrust forward again, my own head tilting back slightly but only for a few seconds. I want, have, to look at him. I move his legs so they wrap around my waist and I lean over, his leaking cock trapped beneath are stomachs, and press our mouths together.

I move again, his muscles squeezing tight around my cock, and I almost come right then. It probably had something to do with him gasping into my mouth as well. I bite down on his lip as my cock hits against his prostate, his body shaking and moving beneath mine. His hands leave the sheets and claw into my back, needing and tightly. I grab his hair in one of my hands to roughly tilt his head back so I can get clearance to his beautiful, pale throat and attack it, leaving marks over the once bare skin. He’ll have to wear a turtleneck out tonight. At least it’s going to be a cool night. “Fu- _Brian_ ,” I aim for his prostate again, this time I accidentally moan into his mouth. “BrianBrianBrian!” For a moment I hope that, despite that the curtains are closed, that Ethan can see all of this. See how much that Justin loves **me** and doesn’t miss _him_.

Justin’s hands come to rest on my face, holding my head so he can kiss me, murmuring, under his breath, my name and how much he loves me. I’m tempted to tell him I love him too but I decided against it and kiss him long and hard instead, my cock hitting his prostate every thrust now. I let one of my hands wander to his cock between are stomachs and start stroking him in time to each thrust, thumb running over his slit causing another yell of my name to erupt into the room. I don’t think I’ll admit it but I love it when he yells out my name like that. “Brian – Faster.” I obey, thrust faster and harder, my head falling into his neck as I strive to give him one of the best orgasms he can have. His legs tighten around my waist and I know he’s close. Anytime now. I move my hand faster, wanting to finish us both off at the same time. And, simultaneously, we both come at the same time. “Jus- _Fuck_!” My voice is muffled by his neck.

His, however, is muffled by nothing and I can hear my name loud and clear.

I relax, letting my whole body rest on top of him. His legs fall off of me and neither of us say anything. We’re both too busy catching are breath. I catch my breath by listening to his and feeling the rise and fall of his chest against mine. The come on our stomachs is sticky and I have the perfect idea on how to save water. We’ll take a shower together – As usual – but then I realize that it doesn’t matter because we usually end up taking long showers that don’t conserve water at all but probably use more then use taking separate showers. I slowly lift myself off and out of him, tying off the condom and throwing it somewhere, before rolling off of him and next to him on the bed. I glance over at him. His eyes are closed.

“Thanks.”

His eyes open and he just looks at me blankly.

“For what exactly?”

“For letting me fuck you even though you’re upset.”

He smiles at me and turns over on his side and drapes his arm across my chest. “It helps me forget so…I really should be thanking you.” I shook my head. “No, I should because my dick was about to fall off.” He chuckled, although it was muffled because he had buried his head in between my neck and shoulder. I knew he was probably going to fall asleep soon. He always likes to fall asleep after we have sex. “I’m serious. I really was going to kill Daphne if she hadn’t left when she did.” He chuckles again. “I’m sure she would’ve watched if you would’ve just came back and fucked me. She wouldn’t have bothered us.” I made a gagging sound.

“That’s just what I need – your hag watching us have sex.”

“I didn’t know you were _modest_.”

He was, of course, joking.

“I’m not modest, Taylor. She’s already gotten to see me walk around _naked_ a million times during the last two weeks. She doesn’t need to watch me _fuck_ too.”

He takes his face away from my neck and looks at me. “Why not? We could get her to video tape it.” I rolled my eyes. “And then what? Put it online?” The blonde next to me giggled tiredly. “They should be so lucky but, no you asshole. For our own personal use only.” I grin and quickly correct him. “And Daphne’s because I’m sure she’d say we have to let her watch it because she’s the one who had to slave over the video camera and tape us.” He smiles and kisses me on the cheek. 

“Yeah, well, we could always hide it from her.”

He kisses me again and slowly picks himself up off the bed. “Where you going?” He smiles at me over his shoulder before disappearing into the bathroom. “Shower!” I quickly jump off the bed and hurry inside after him. He’s already inside turning the dials onto hot. Just the way I like it. I come in after him and turn them down slightly. My skins not has tender as his though…it does turn me on, the way his skin gets all flushed from the heat of the water. “You don’t have to make it so hot, Sunshine.” He grins up at me as I reach over, get the soap, and begin soaping up his body, hands lingering on every patch of skin more then needed. I know he’ll give me the same treatment.

“You’re right, Mr. Kinney. I’m sure you’ll heat it up in a bit.”

How right he was.

\--------------------------------------------

**Justin**   


“Look what you did to my neck!”

I glared at Brian in the mirror as I looked at the hickies he had left me. He smiled, laughed and came up behind me, arm coming around my neck and pulling my back against his chest. “Don’t act like you don’t like it. You’re lucky I only left…” I had already counted them and answered for him. “ **Ten**! Ten fucking hickies! I’m going to kill you!” He laughed, arm still holding tight, and kissed me on the cheek, still laughing. I frowned at his image in the mirror and crossed my arms over my chest. “Don’t laugh! You wait until next time. I’m going to leave you…a _million_ of them.” He didn’t act scared at my threat and his mouth moved from my cheek to the back of my neck, his teeth skimming the flesh. I jerked away from him.

“Keep your mouth off of me, Kinney.”

He pulled me back against him.

“Oh, don’t _pout_. Although…you do look cute when you pout.”

I didn’t grin at him although I wanted to and continued to frown at his image in the mirror. He rolled his eyes, his other hand coming up to run along the skin of my neck. “Plus, it’ll show everyone that you belong to me.” I could hear the smile in his voice although he looked dead serious. I raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think so. You aren’t my… _owner_.” Though I wouldn’t protest if he did go out and buy a necklace that said ‘Kinney’s Property’ or something like that on it. Brian smirked and his other arm wrapped around my waist, his hand sliding half way into the jeans I had put on to go to Debbie’s in tonight.

“Yes I am. I picked you up off the street all dirty and poor, cleaned you up, fed you and you stayed. Like the good little _kitten_ that you are.”

I rolled my eyes, smiling on the inside though.

“I’m not a kitten.”

I grabbed his hand before it could decide to sneak further into my pants. He smiled and tugged at the lobe of my ear with his teeth for a moment. “You’re as cute as one.” I snorted. “Yeah, that’s just what I want to be pictured and thought of as. A _kitten_. Thanks a lot.” Brian laughed against my neck and pulled me tighter against him, lips brushing against my cheek. “But, if you’d let me finish your description,” I snorted again but let him go on with his ridiculous talk. “You’re fucking hot in bed.” I smiled, I saw as my cheeks turned pink in my reflection, and held his hand tight again. It had started to wander downwards. “Tell me something I _don’t_ know.” He grinned and tried to inch his hand deeper into my pants again. “Stop, Brian!”

It came out as a whine but we couldn’t be late for dinner at Deb’s.

“You’re also so fucking _tight_ – So beautiful when you’re below me in our bed moaning out my name…panting and gasping and taking me in.” 

Dammit. His hand grabbed my cock and he chuckled triumphantly. Groaning, I grabbed his arm and yanked his hand out of my jeans, spun around and pushed him away before he could do anything else. “We can’t be late.” He raised an eyebrow, tongue-in-cheek smirk on his face. “Well, I wouldn’t be so needy if you’d go put a fucking shirt on.” I begin to walk away and he grabs my arm and pulls me to a stop. “And not _mine_ either or I’ll be forced to make us late for dinner.”

\--------------------------------------------

When we walk out of the building and towards his jeep, me in a black turtleneck, I can’t help but look around cautiously. I’m aware of the fact that Ethan could be anywhere. Watching. Waiting for the opportune moment to jump out and steal me away. Not that Brian would let him but it was just something that was going on in my mind. Brian must’ve noticed my nervousness for his hand closed more tightly around mine and he began to walk faster towards his jeep. I only let go of his hand to walk to the passenger side of the jeep. When I looked down at my seat I nearly had a heart attack.

“B-Bri…”

The driver door opened and Brian looked at me and then looked where I was looking. On the black leather seat sat a picture. A picture of me. Sleeping on Brian’s couch. Brian wasn’t anywhere in the picture. He might’ve been at work or taking a shower or just…not in the premises. Cursing under his breath, Brian reached forward grabbed the picture and turned it over as if searching for a message. There was none. “Get in the jeep.” I nodded and got inside wondering if the jeep was even safe to drive. Had Ethan tampered with the engine? Or the breaks? Or anything? Maybe there was a bomb…ok that might be going a little too far. This wasn’t a movie after all but still. I was scared of my mind now.

Brian got into his seat, jaw clenched and an angry expression on his face. He practically sped all the way to Debbie’s and I was sure we were going to get in a wreck if he didn’t slow down. It was only when we were sitting in front of Debbie’s house did he speak. “We’re not going back there.” I looked over at him, slightly confused. “What? What are you talking about? That’s your home.” Brian looks over at me for a second as if he’s hesitant about his next words. His hand reaches over and comes to wrap around the back of my neck. “It’s our home,” He pauses for a second. “And you’re obviously not safe there. I’m not going to have some _sicko_ taking pictures of you and leaving them around for you to find.”

“Where…where will we go then?”

“I don’t know. I’ll buy a new place. I can afford it.”

I grabbed his hand before he could get out of the jeep. “You don’t have to do this Brian. You love the loft. I – I can leave for a little while…leave the state. You don’t have to do this…” Though, I don’t think I can stand the thought of leaving him, even if it isn’t forever and just until Ethan’s caught and behind bars. Brian glares at me and slams the door of his jeep shut again. “What the fuck are you talking about?” I’m slightly taken aback at how…harsh his words sound but I act like I’m not. Not shocked. I quickly let go of his arm and put it back in my lap. “I just meant that you don’t have to keep…that I don’t want to be a _hindrance_ to you. Brian, ever since you met me you’ve had to go out of your way to do things and,” Brian shot me a look that clearly told me to shut up.

“I don’t want to hear it, Justin. Do you really think I’d be doing any of this if I didn’t _want_ to? I don’t just go around shoving acts of kindness is people’s faces, you know,” He looks at me for a moment. “I’m doing this because I – Justin…” He stares at me again as if hesitant on what he wants to say. I watch him closely, examining his eyes, watching the series of emotions filtering through his hazel orbs. He sighs and pulls his hand away from my cheek, which his fingers had been caressing softly as he spoke. “Let’s just get inside. You aren’t a hindrance no matter what your stupid insecurities tell you.” I smile softly at him and lean over to kiss him before we walk inside. “Thank you.” He doesn’t answer me, instead he just gets out of the jeep, walks around and gets my door. He probably doesn’t want me walking alone anymore.

Then we walk inside, his hand grasping mine.

“Hey, Sunshine! Brian.”

I smile at Debbie but Brian must’ve not smiled because Debbie immediately looked concerned. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?” The whole family already knew about the little letters. Brian had told Debbie first, well, after I had told Daphne, and she had proceeded to tell everyone who needed to know: Michael, Emmett, Carl and Ted. Brian didn’t say anything at first. When he did he sounded extremely…pissed off. “We’ll discuss it later. Let’s just…eat first.” I followed him to the table where Emmett, Carl, Ted, and Michael, someone I didn’t know sat. Although things between Michael and I weren’t the best…we were able to at least be in the same room without calling each other murderers and yelling at each other. Gus sat next to me. Gus had been staying with Debbie since Brian hadn’t wanted him in any potential danger when the letters started popping up in the mail.

Brian noticed the man next to Michael and had no problem asking.

“Who are you?”

The man smiled. He was pretty good-looking, tall, muscled. He held out a hand towards Brian to shake. Brian hesitated and then took it. “I’m Ben, Michael’s boyfriend.” Brian seemed slightly surprised that Michael had gone off and gotten a boyfriend but smiled, nodded and dropped the man’s hand. “He didn’t tell me.” Brian stared accusingly at his best-friend. Michael only shrugged and smiled over at Ben who smiled back. I couldn’t help but notice how happy they looked. Well – They didn’t have a stalker chasing after either of them… Maybe Michael would be nicer towards me now. After all, I know all about his unrequited crush on Brian. Maybe, now that he had someone, he would get over Brian and actually befriend me.

Debbie sat down at the table. Food still steaming. It must’ve just gotten done.

Emmett looked at me from across the table.

“How’ve you been doing, sweetie?”

I shrugged and smiled. 

“I guess I’ve been doing alright…given the circumstances.”

Emmett smiled sadly and nodded at Brian. “At least you have your _knight in shining armor_ to protect you.” I laughed. Brian didn’t exactly seem to like being called a knight in shining armor. I grabbed Brian’s hand under the table and smiled over at him. He still seemed peeved about the conversation in the car and, probably, about the candid picture that had been taken of me. Brian suddenly let go of my hand and got up from the table. “Carl, can I talk to you please?” The whole table silenced and the two men walked outside. Brian made sure to slam the door shut to keep listening ears from hearing. Everyone turned towards me obviously wanting an explanation. Ted cleared his throat.

“So, Justin, care to tell us what the infamous Mr. Kinney is so pissed off about?”

I shifted in my seat and shrugged.

“Nothing…serious,” **LIAR**. “Just…there was a picture of me sleeping in the passenger side seat of the jeep. Wanna eat?” My obvious attempts to direct the attention of my friends elsewhere didn’t work. Debbie nearly dropped the glass of water she was holding. “What? You sleeping? Was there a note?” I shook my head, reaching forward to get some mast potatoes hoping that everyone else would do the same. Michael’s mouth hung open slightly. “What? Are you serious? Sleeping? What a sick fuck.” I only nodded and got some of the chicken Debbie had made. It looked excellent. Too bad I wasn’t feeling too hungry anymore. I should’ve kept my stupid mouth shut. Emmett gasped. Loud and dramatic as always.

“Oh, _honey_ , that’s terrible!”

Debbie wasn’t done yet either. “Stupid asshole. We should all go to his apartment with a bat and-” Ben, he seemed to be the most calm out of all of this, held up a hand. “Deb, violence isn’t the answer to everything. You’re going to get nowhere if you go beat the hell out of this guy.” I guess he knew what was going on, Michael had probably told. Debbie didn’t say another word. She just angrily began to plop the mash potatoes on her plate. Ted seemed calm too but he was, most of the time, calm about things. “I think you guys are doing the right thing…talking to Carl. Don’t worry Deb – Carl will get to the bottom of this.” Inside, I agreed that Carl would. I had my doubts though. I bet everyone did. Even Brian.

“May I be excused?”

Debbie quickly nodded and I headed up the stairs and into the bathroom. I shut and locked the door behind me. I had made a mistake – telling all of them. Of course, they would’ve found out sooner or later. Carl would’ve told Deb and Deb would’ve told the rest so I was really just saving time. Sighing, I sat on the sink and tried to think of everything but anything having to do with Ethan. I thought about Daphne. I thought about Emmett and the pink feather boa he was wearing tonight and smiled slightly. I thought about Brian and the way he looks when his dick sinks into me. And the way he looks when he’s staring at the computer – all concentration. And the way he looks when he’s sleeping – Perfection. Beautiful. 

I am truly in love with this man.

A knock on the door wakes me out of my thinking and I look at it. “Uhm – Who is it?” 

“Brian. Are you alright?”

Smiling, I reach over from the counter and unlock the door. He must’ve heard it and been waiting since the door opened up as soon as my hand left the doorknob. Once he was inside he shut the door and locked it once again. He looked concerned as he stood between my legs, hands trailing up my thighs, hips, chest and stopping once they reached my neck. “What are you doing in here?” I grin at him and rest my hands lightly on his jean clad hips. “ _Sitting_.” He smiled slightly, worry slowly disappearing from his face and a hand pushes through my hair. I can feel his fingers playing with it. I love it when he plays with my hair. “Don’t get smart with me.” I smiled and leaned closer to him, resting the side of my face against his chest. His chin rested on top of my head and we stay like that for a few minutes.

I bet the others are wondering where we are.

“What did Carl say?”

“He said he would do his best but…that he was busy with the Hobbs trial.”

I felt a slight pang in my stomach. Chris Hobbs was finally going to court. The produce women who had been at the scene of the car wreck was going to see if he was the one she caught a glimpse of in the Excursion. All of us were going in hopes that Chris would get the punishment he deserved. I hadn’t realized I had stiffened at the mention of the trial or Chris or anything having to do with the deaths of our three friends until Brian pushed me away and cupped my face in his hands. “It’s ok. He’ll get busted.” I hoped he was right. “He has to.” I nodded in agreement; unshed tears in my eyes. This was still a sore subject for me, for all of us. He kissed me again, probably hoping to kiss away the very thought of me crying. I don’t blame him. He’s probably so tired of it by now.

“We should get down to dinner…before they think we’re doing more then talking.”

He offered me a smirk and pulled me off the bathroom counter and pulled me out the door. “I also told him that we won’t be going back to the loft until all of this is over.” I didn’t say anything. I just waited. “We’ll go to the outskirts of town, get a hotel, and I’ll look for a house somewhere.” I nod and grab his hand in mine. I guess that’s my way of saying thanks for sacrificing everything for me. It seemed surreal that he was doing all of this for me. Even when he hardly knew **me**. He smiled down at me and we headed down for dinner. Everyone acting awkwardly quiet for a few minutes, Brian cursing at them for it, and then we all talked. About good things.

Not bad.


	3. Light in the Black

  


I want to undress you  
Wanna caress you (wanna caress you)  
Don't wanna be coy  
It's time to get me off 

Come on baby, thrust me, trust me, get me off  
You're my poison an I cannot get enough  
 **Get Me Off – Basement Jaxx**  
\------------------------------------------

**Brian**   


We’ve been driving for exactly two hours. I can tell Justin’s getting anxious and tired of sitting. He’s fidgeting in his seat, biting his nails, and doing everything in his power to stay awake. First, he wouldn’t shut up. But I don’t mind it when he talks. Even if it is about stupid things. Then he turned the radio on full blast and sang at the top of his lungs. Lucky for him – And me ears! – He sang good or I’m sure I would’ve taped his mouth shut an hour ago. I glance over at him. Now he’s just staring out the window waiting for us to arrive at our destination. We’re there in five more minutes. It’s probably one of the crappiest hotels I’ve ever seen in my life. God. I can’t believe I’m going to sleep here.

“Welcome to _paradise_.”

I smile over at Justin who, with tired eyes, rolls his eyes and studies the run-down mess. I walk to the passenger side of the jeep and let him out, grabbing his hand and strolling inside the lobby. It’s cleaner on the inside, I’m pleased to see. At least it isn’t dirty. _Thank fucking God_. “Any free rooms?” The man behind the desk, he kind of looks shocked to see that he’s getting someone at two in the morning, jumps up from his chair and quickly nods. “Just sign here please.” I guess they couldn’t afford computers since they have a huge book where you sign your name in and how many days and nights you’ll be staying. I scrawl in my name and two days and nights at the most. There’s no way I want to stay here longer then that.

“Thank you, sir.”

He tells me the price, incredibly cheap, and then hands us a key or our room and our room number. Forty. It turns out this isn’t a very large hotel. “I can’t _believe_ you’re doing this.” I look over at the man next to me and raise an eyebrow. “What?” Of course I know what he’s talking about but I’m allowed to play dumb. “Driving all the way out _here_.” I shrug, throwing my arm across his shoulders and pulling him against me. I don’t answer right away because I’m unlocking the door to our room and looking around. I flick on the light and we take in our surroundings. I shrug. “Not bad. Could be worse.” Justin looks up at me with a look of disbelief on his face but he doesn’t say anything.

I watch as he walks across the small room where only a couch and crappy TV stand and into another room. I’m only guessing but it’s probably the bedroom. The light flicks on and I make my way inside and lean against the doorframe. I watch as the blonde places a hand on the bed, no doubt checking to see how hard/soft the bed is. He’s unusually picky about that but, then again, so am I so I really have no room to speak. He looks up at me. “I can’t believe you actually want to stay here.” He doesn’t sound disgusted he just sounds…surprised. Surprised that I would want to stay somewhere so…low compared to the usual high priced places I stay at whenever I have to go somewhere far away from the loft. I shrug and walk fully inside the room, grab Justin by the arm and pull him against me.

“What can I say? I’m just _full_ of surprises.”

“The bed’s _hard_.”

I smirk.

“So am I.”

He smiles slightly, arms coming around to wrap around my neck. He stands on his tiptoes and pushes his lips against mine, tongue seeking entrance. He definitely finds entrance. He quickly pulls away; his fingers trail down my chest and continue their journey downwards. “You’re _always_ hard.” I grin and shrug. He has a point. “It’s not _my_ fault my cock likes you so much.” The blonde giggles – I almost point out the fact that he did, indeed, giggle but I decided not to because I’m so…nice. – And his hand begins to slowly undo the buckle of my belt. I allow it because I’m incredibly horny after that long drive and need release. Now. He slides the belt out of the loops and throws it to the floor. I don’t yell at him to not through my Gucci belt on the floor ‘cause, like I said, I’m fucking **horny** right now.

He probably did it on purpose too.

I can tell by the gleam in his eyes.

I stand there, allowing the blonde to take full control of getting my undressed. He takes his sweet time too, smiling and moving as slowly as possible. Little fucker. I should punish him but I let him take his time. My pants fall to the floor and I kick them away. Next his hands wander to the buttons on my shirt and undo each one at a slow pace. He smirks up on me knowing very well how agonizingly _slow_ he’s going. He kisses me on the lips as he shoves the shirt off of my shoulders. I let it fall to the floor. God – I hope the floors are _clean_ or I’ll be extremely pissed in the morning.

“Brian?”

I do my best to ignore the extremely seductive tone the blonde speaks to me in.

I raise an eyebrow, not speaking. He doesn’t speak for a moment. Instead his fingers trail down my bare chest, which causes my skin to quiver. I inwardly curse the effect he has on me. His face falls in the space between my neck and shoulder, tongue darting out to trail across my neck, across my shoulder – Dammit. My skin quivers again. He’s probably smiling about it – and then his teeth gently bite into it. If he leaves a hickie I’m going to kill him. He meant what he said about getting me back. His mouth wanders towards my ear, teeth nipping gently at my ear lobe. I use every ounce of self-control to not moan or whimper or use any of my vocals. “ _Brian_ …”

“Hmmm….”

Damn him. He did that on purpose. Whimpering my name like that. Sounding so fucking needy and wanting and… **fucking sexy**. I hear and feel him chuckle against my neck. I ignore it, one of my hands gliding up his back and thrusting into his hair. “I want to _ride_ you…” Fuck. Him. My other hand lands on the small of his back, pulling his clothed body tight against mine. His teeth dig into my neck again, pulling gently at the skin, and then sliding over the tender spot with his tongue. Damn the little fucker. He could go from being extremely childish and innocent to sex animal in five seconds. I hated him for it but loved him for it at the same time.

“I want to ride you _all. Night. Long_.”

I don’t kiss him no matter how much I want to. I gently push him away and watch as he stumbles backwards a few steps. He watches me curiously, eyes embedded with lust, pupils dilated and the bright blue shaded dark. God – he’s so fucking beautiful. Not that I notice such things. I ignore the fact that that is such a fucking lie. “That’s gonna be hard to do, Sunshine, with all those _clothes_ on.” He smiles, the whites of his teeth just barely showing, and his hands fly to the fabric of his turtleneck. In a flash it’s pulled over his head and thrown on the floor next to my forgotten clothing. His hands fly to his jeans and I stop him, hand flying over his and shoving him against the nearest wall.

A loud thump and I hope the wall doesn’t break.

“How ‘bout I help you with that.”

He says nothing and lets me unbutton his jeans. He kicks them away and his hands come to rest on my shoulders, shoving me down on the bed. His body lands on top of me, delicious friction between are bare cocks, and skin feeling like it’s on fire. I wonder, for a few split seconds, if the air conditioning is broken in here. His lips finally crash against mine and there’s really no stopping us at this point. Well, of course, if Daphne shows up like she did last time we’d have to stop but, other then that. I don’t mind an audience. He forces his tongue into my mouth, legs straddling my hips, and hands still on my shoulders to keep me from rolling us over. It’s rare that Justin ever shows any real dominance when we’re in bed together, but, when he does…god – I won’t admit it but…it’s fucking hot.

His lips lift from mine, breath coming out hard against my cheek.

“ _Please_ tell me you have a condom _somewhere_ in your jeans.”

Fuck. I better have one or I’ll be…extremely pissed. And when I’m horny and pissed no one’s going to want to be around me. Groaning, I reach over the edge of the bed blindly searching for my jeans. I finally find the rough denim and search through the pockets. Thank. Fucking. God and all that is good. “Two more, Sunshine.” I’ll have to make a run to the nearest drugstore in the morning. Or right after we’re done ‘cause who knows when we’ll stop fucking. He eagerly takes the condom from my hand, opens it with his teeth and slips it onto my cock before I can blink. And then, before I can register anything, he’s lowering himself down on my cock, head thrown back in complete sexy ecstasy and hands tightly gripping on to mine. He hisses out my name, purposely, because he knows, even though I haven’t’ admitted to it, it drives me crazy.

“ _Move_ , Taylor.”

I can’t take it, him just sitting there, smirking down at me with his ass squeezing around my dick like, he squeezes – On purpose no doubt – that. He starts off slow, rising and then slowly sliding back down, squeezing hard around my cock. “I’m going to,” I draw in a deep, quaky breath as he suddenly slams down. “ _Kill you_.” His hands tug and I’m suddenly sitting upright, back against the headboard, his hands gripping the unsteady wood behind my head, slamming down as hard as possible, head turned into my neck. I grip on to his hips, adding to the force of his slamming down on me, gripping so tightly there’ll probably be bruises in the morning. I hope not. “B-Brian, oh _fuck_!” His teeth bite into my shoulder as he slams down on me again.

He pulls his head back to meet his lips with mine, my tongue thrusting into his mouth. Fucking it. Loving it. “Bri- _please_ ,” I don’t know what he’s asking me to do so I don’t say anything. I only kiss him harder, hold his hips more tightly. I’m so fucking close. He must be too. I can tell by the look on his face. “P-please, _Brian_ , say,” His hands release the headboard and his arms encircle my neck instead, fingers sliding against my sweaty back and his teeth nipping gently onto my chin. “Say my,” He slams down again. “ _Name_.” I don’t reply immediately, I attack his lips with mine, he slams down once more and he’s there. Shouting my name and I’m sure it can be heard through the paper-thin walls. In the next second I’m coming and, as he asked me to, I moan out his name.

More then once because that was probably one of the best fucks ever.

\------------------------------------------

**Justin**   


I wake up feeling fucking wonderful. _Not_. This is probably the most uncomfortable bed I’ve ever slept on before in my life – But I can’t complain too much because Brian did this for me. I smile at the thought, hesitating to open my eyes. The sun’s peering through the window, I can feel it, and I don’t want to blind myself. It’s only when I feel shifting beside me, an arm swinging over my naked body, that I finally open my eyes and meet the eyes of my lover. I automatically smile and move closer to his body. His arm wraps more firmly around my body and I wrap my own arm, which had been curled in between our chests, around his back.

“Good morning.”

He smiles back at me, fingers trailing up and down my back.

“Good morning yourself.”

“Ha. _Ha_. I gave you some hickies. Like I said I would.”

He rolls his eyes, mumbling something under his breath about me being immature. I don’t care though. He loves me and my immature self even if he won’t say it out loud. I watch as his eyes trail down my body, slowly and appreciatively. His hand follows, leaving my back, traveling down my side – Ticklish skin quivering under his fingers. – And over my hips, where he stops and meets my eyes again. “Looks like I left some bruises last night.” There’s a smile in his voice whereas I immediately grab his hand, move it and inspect my hip. “Brian! And I’ve been bruise free for so long now! I thought I had a record!” Of course I was only joking. I had a smile on my face but he seemed to take it…personally. I frown and lace my fingers with his, resting our joined hands back on my hip.

“I was only kidding.”

He still doesn’t say anything. 

He actually looks… _sorry_? I kiss him quickly on the lips.

“Brian…I-“ Fuck. I always say the wrong things. “I _like_ these bruises. You should leave them more often.” I lean over to kiss him again but he suddenly rolls out of the bed, mumbling something about needing to take a shower. After he walks into the bathroom, he shuts the door behind him, I fall down on my back groaning in frustration. I’m not sure what the fuck just happened. He couldn’t seriously be…upset about that. I inwardly cuss myself out. I’m so stupid sometimes. I shouldn’t have said anything like that! Sighing, I roll out of bed and wander towards the bathroom door. The shower’s running and, thankfully, the door’s unlocked and I take the liberty of striding in. 

It’s really small.

A small sink right next to the toilet, which is right in front of the bathtub/shower. The shower curtain is drawn and I pull it aside and peer inside the small space. He doesn’t say anything to me so I just climb in next to him. God, it’s so fucking small. We’re practically on top of each other without meaning to be. I look up at him; his back is facing me. Frowning, I grab his shoulder, carefully turning him around so he’s facing me. Wet hair plastered to his face. I’m still pretty much dry since it isn’t anywhere near big enough for the two of us to be under the spray at the same time. I bite my lip for a second before speaking. I don’t really trust myself to speak anymore.

“Brian…what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

_Yeah fucking right_.

“You know I was only joking back there…sure, I guess I _shouldn’t_ have joked about it. I didn’t realize you would take it so…I don’t know.”

He doesn’t say anything and I really don’t know what to say. I stare up at him hopelessly, wishing that he would say something. I reach out and grab his hand, fingers lacing together. With a sigh I let go and offer him a small, unsure smile. “Uh, I guess I’ll get in when you’re done.” I make a move to leave before he grabs my hand again, gaining my attention again. He hesitates before speaking, his other hand coming forward and gently resting on my hip, thumb running over the small bruise for a second. “Does it hurt?” His voice sounds unusually quiet and hoarse and I lean forward slightly so I can hear him. He avoids eye contact with me for a few seconds before looking down at me.

I quickly shake my head.

“What? No – **no**. Of course not. It doesn’t matter, Brian. I bruise easily anyway and last night _was_ pretty intense and,”

“It does too matter.”

He sounds strongly passionate about it although his voice is still quieter then normal and a little hoarse still. I blink up at him, teeth biting at my bottom lip again. Not sure of what to say. He looks down for a second, probably at his hand, which is still located on my hip and then back at me again. “Justin…” I look up at him, waiting. His other hand comes up to rest on the side of my face, thumb caressing my cheek. I automatically lean my face into the touch. “From the first day you moved in with me I told myself that I’d take care of you. That I wouldn’t hurt you. That,” I cut him off, frowning. “You _didn’t_ hurt me, Brian.” He basically ignores me. “And…that I’d try not to remind you anything of…him,”

I shake my head, protesting. 

“I can’t believe you’re _saying_ that! Fuck, Brian. Do you think that…if you reminded me anything of Ethan I would be here right now? Do you really think that I _thought_ that about you this morning? You remind me nothing of him.  Nothing. God, Brian, I love you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes and you honestly thought that I…”

Suddenly his mouth is engulfing mine, he’s pulling me as much as he can against himself under the hot spray, and his arms are wrapping tightly around my body. His lips leave mine and travel hotly down my neck and my hands grip onto his back, fingers scraping gently but roughly at the same time against his skin. He’s probably leaving me a million more hickies but I don’t care. It feels so good the way he’s biting, licking and sucking on my skin all over. It’s like…sensory overload. I bury my face in his neck, gasping for air. “Brian… _Brian_ …bruise me…please…” He bites into my neck – I wonder if it’s bleeding not that I care. If it is I know his tongue and the running water soon wash it away. Suddenly he shoves my back, roughly, against the shower wall.

I suddenly feel slightly cold without the hot water on me but Brian’s body against mine soon makes up for the lost heat. “Jus-Justin…” I grip on tightly to his shoulders as he begins lowering the both of us to the bottom of the tub, his lips savagely attacking mine, teeth tugging roughly at my lips, and hands cradling me with care as he lies on top of me, water from the shower head beating down on us, well more him then me since his body’s hovering over mine. Soon his teeth are tugging at my nipples, tongue swirling over the nub to make the pain of his teeth fade away, spending about five minutes on each before his lips and teeth trail back up my chest, throat, chin and find my lips again. He pulls away, and makes a move to get out of the tub, no doubt to get the last condom from his jeans.

I quickly grab his arm, stopping him.

“Brian…”

It’s probably a bad idea to even think this much less request it of him. It’s only been two weeks since the first time he fucked me, even though we’ve known each other about two months from the very beginning but that’s still a short period of time. “R-raw – fuck me raw…please.” He stares at me for a few seconds. I almost tell him to forget it. That I don’t know what I’m talking about. I was with Ethan for years and I had never asked him to fuck me without a condom. I had never wanted him to. Never **needed** him to. His lips gently descend on mine again, all his body weight resting on me again. I’m not sure what’s going on in his head, if he’s going to fuck me without a condom. If he’s mad at me for asking.

I can’t tell. All I do is kiss him back hoping that I haven’t said the wrong thing.

_Again_. His head lifts and he looks back down at me, eyes never leaving mine.

“…Are you sure?”

I blink. Is he actually contemplating my request? I swallow and nod. Why the hell not? I’m negative. I know he’s negative. We both just got tested together a week ago. We made it into a fun outing. “Y-yes. I want **you** inside me.” He nods, hands sliding down to my thighs. I lock my legs firmly around his waist, my hands wrap around his broad back and his own grab the edges of the tub. The water is our lube. I hope it’s enough. God, I think I’m even a little scared. As if sensing it, his head lowers and he captures my lips in another slow, gentle, ‘I love you even though I’m afraid to say it out loud’ kiss and he moves forward. He’s inside of me. Raw. For the first time and, _oh my fucking god_ , it’s fucking amazing. “Bri…fuck, Bri…love you.” I think I begin muttering incoherent things under my breath soon after that.

\------------------------------------------

**Brian**   


What the fuck am I doing?

Fucking him raw…that’s so…irresponsible! But, fuck, his facial expressions, the sound of his voice…it all seems worth it. I shove into him, it feels different. Fuck – of course it does. I’m fucking him RAW. I draw in a deep breath as his nails break the skin on my back. I grip tighter to the edges of the tub, it’s hard to gain a grip on the wet surface. I bite hard into his shoulder as I thrust forward again, his muscles squeezing sweetly around me. I’m. Fucking. Him. Raw. Is this even…wise? Why did I even do it? I should’ve ignored him and gotten my last condom but…he looked so…fuck.

It wasn’t like I didn’t want it to.

It wasn’t like I didn’t want him squeezing around my bare dick. I had wanted it since the first day I fucked him, maybe even before that and, oh fuck, here I was thrusting into him without a condom. And loving it. Of course I was loving it…I just couldn’t believe I was doing it. We had only known each other for two months tops and had only been fucking for two weeks. Love really messes with your mind. Fucks it up but, oh fuck, in a good way. My hands lose grip on the edges of the tub and I lean on the bottom of the tub, on my elbows over Justin’s wet body. His nails continue to dig into my back. I don’t feel any pain though.

_“Brian…Brian…bruise me…please…”_

I hear him clearly in my mind. Oh, God, I want to listen to him. Bruise him like he wants me to. I grab his parted lips in mine again, kissing him with as much ferocity as I can. He groans into my mouth causing me to moan back. “Justin!” I thrust forward harder, faster, his hips snapping up to meet mine. I grab his cock, trapped between our stomachs, with one of my hands and stroke him in time to each thrust, thumb gliding teasingly over his slit each time until we’re both coming simultaneously. Oh god. I’m coming inside his ass. Filling him up. For the first time. “BrianBrianBrian!” One more thrust and I fall forward on top of him, hoping that I’m not hurting him too bad. We lie there for a few minutes, regaining breath and letting the realization of what just…happened dawn on us.

I found myself, surprisingly, not regretting it.

“…Brian?”

He sounds scared. So fucking scared. I slowly ease out of him, hot water turning slightly cooler, and meet his eyes, kissing him slightly on the cheek. I taste something slightly salty and warm and I realize he’s crying. **A)** He either regrets it so much he’s crying or **B)** he’s so happy that he’s crying. I hope for letter B. I stroke his hair out of his face, tucking the wet strands behind his ears and offering him, what I hope is, a kind, ‘I love you Justin Taylor’ smile. He doesn’t say anything for a minute, stares up at me and then kisses me. A chaste kiss on the lips. Without another word, at first, I stand up and then help him out of the tub, making sure that he doesn’t trip on his way out.

Still holding his hand, I lead him out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. I turn to him, arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him against me. “Justin – I just…I just want to let you know that…I don’t regret it. I’ll admit, I never thought I’d ever do…that but I guess if I’d ever want to do it raw with someone it would be you.” He smiles a small smile up at me. “Me too.” I smirk at him, trying to lighten the mood. “You mean you would do it with yourself _too_?” He slaps me on the arm and walks over to where his jeans are on the floor and pulls them on. I do the same – the realization of what I, we, just did still running through my mind. I’m still slightly shocked that I did it without even…a fight.

Love is so… _yeah_. Not that I am in love with him… **whatever**.

“Brian?”

I turn around, his voice sounds panicked all of the sudden, and he’s holding a photograph. I raise an eyebrow. “What’s that, Sunshine?” He thrust the picture at me, fear across his face, as if it’s burning him and he sits on the edge of the bed, his face resting in the palms of his hands. The picture, I’m shocked to see, is of us. Of last night. I look over at the window. There are no blinds. I look back at the picture. There’s no note, just like the last picture. “Fuck. Fuck!” I grab Justin’s hand and we’re out of the hotel and into my jeep, after paying the man in the lobby, and in my jeep. We don’t even out on our shirts until we’re halfway down the road.


	4. Light in the Black

  


 

____________________________  
Do you hear love  
You’re beautiful  
Do you hear love  
You’re beautiful  
You are  
Yes, you are  
 **Beautiful – Mandalay**  
________________________________________

 

 

**Justin**   


I can’t believe this.

We hadn’t seen anyone following us. We hadn’t told anyone where we were going. I stare down at the picture as Brian speeds down the empty road – I’ve been watching him watching in his mirror for any followers and there haven’t been any – and, if the picture hadn’t been taken in this kind of situation…it would’ve been fucking hot. I’d probably even keep it…if it hadn’t been taken by my fucked up stalker. Brian suddenly snatches the picture away from me and shoves it into the glove compartment. “Just…stop looking at it.” I nod and begin biting my nails. Nervous habit.

Seven seconds later – I know. I was counting.

“ _Stop_ doing that.”

I take my thumb away from my mouth and twist my hands in my lap. I reach over for the radio but before I can reach the dial to turn it on, Brian grabs my wrist. “ _Don’t_ mess with it.” I suddenly feel aggravated. All of this stalker/picture shit was finally getting to me. Brian’s attitude really wasn’t helping me at all. “Is **everything** I’m going to do going to fucking annoy you? It’d probably be better if I just got out and _walked_. Then at least I wouldn’t be yelled at for every fucking thing I did.” Brian glares at me before returning his eyes to the empty road, the sun beating down on us. “Don’t start with me, Justin.” I cross my arms over my chest and stare out my window.

“I didn’t start anything. You’re the one who has an attitude.”

“I’d say you have one too.”

“And last time I checked it was _me_ who was being stalked. Me who someone has some disgusting obsession with, so I think I have a right to have a fucking attitude.”

Suddenly Brian pulls over. Cuts the engine. I still stare out my window refusing to look at him.

“And last time _I_ checked you were _my_ boyfriend so I think I have a right to have a goddamn attitude too.”

I look over at him, a small smile suddenly on my face. “You admitted it!” He looks downright confused. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you BI-Polar?” I shake my head and continue to smile over at him. “You called me your _boyfriend_.” It was amazing: The things that could change my mood around. I guess, most of the time, I was an easy pleaser. Just say the right words and I’ll be fine. Finally getting it, he rolls his eyes and starts the engine again and we start our drive again. He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes. Then:

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Yes, it is. You never admit to _anything_. You’re stubborn like that.”

“You’re insufferable.”

I smirk over at him with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s not what you were saying last night. Or this morning. Or almost every day last week. Or –“ 

He quickly cut me off, a small smile finally showing up on his tense face. I grin and place a hand on his knee, fingers stroking the rough fabric of his jeans. Innocently. I’m really not trying to start anything. I just like…touching him. “I get it, Sunshine. You do have your purposes.” I roll my eyes, fingers momentarily stopping their comfortable stroking. “Gee thanks. You really know how to make a man feel good about himself.” He chuckles and places his hand over mine as my fingers start moving again. “Stop.” I sigh. “Here we go again. Everything I do annoys you.” 

He raises an eyebrow over at me.

“It doesn’t _annoy_ me exactly.”

I smile slightly.

“Oh. _Hmm_ – I’ve never been fucked in a jeep before. Or _any_ type of vehicle for that matter.”

“Don’t talk.”

I smirk and continue, basically ignoring him.

“Not that I wouldn’t want to. It sounds pretty exciting…being fucked in the back seat on the expensive black leather…clothes not even all the way off. Yeah. It sounds pretty hot.”

I look over at the brunet. All his concentration is trying to dedicate itself to the road. His hand is gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles are a pale white. Smiling, I remove my hand from underneath his and slide it along his thigh until I’m about and inch away from his already-hard cock. He’s so easy sometimes. Just say the words ‘fuck me’ and he’s as hard as a rock. I dance my fingers along the bulge, lightly and quickly. The jeep swerves a bit and he glares at me. 

“Justin…”

There’s a warning tone in his voice. I ignore it. He won’t be able to stay mad at me for too long. I lean over, mouth a centimeter away from his ear. “ _Pull over_.” He tries to not listen to me but a few strokes of my fingers later, he’s pulling over and shoving my hand away. “You really need to learn how to listen, Mr. Taylor." I grin. “Is that so? How ‘bout you…teach me, Mr. Kinney.” He glares at me for a few more seconds before his gaze softens and he leans his head back against the seat. “Suck my cock now.” I smile, unbutton and unzip his jeans, and give him the my first ‘in the car’ blowjob.

____________________________

**Brian**   


“Debbie – Can we stay here for the night?”

The large woman nods as I sit on the floor with Gus in my lap. I had told her about the picture except I had given her the clean version. According to the version I told her it was just another picture of Justin sleeping. **Not** riding me like no tomorrow. Justin hugs the woman as she tells him how sorry she is that this has to all happen to such a ‘nice young man’. Yeah, well, he hadn’t been being so nice in the jeep today. He was almost getting too much to handle. Almost. Justin steps next to me and then sits down, stealing Gus away from my arms.

“Hey, Gus!”

“Haven’t seen you in long time, Jus.”

Justin smiles down at my son and kisses him on the forehead. “Your daddy’s been keeping me locked away.” I roll my eyes. He’s always so dramatic. More like held him to my bed for the last two weeks. And he sure hadn’t been complaining about it back then. Gus gives me a childish scolding look. “Daddy, that’s not very nice. You should let Jus Jus see me.” Debbie sits down on the sofa, the TV flickering on. She smiles slightly. “Gus, your dad is a selfish bastard.” I roll my eyes again. “ _Language_ , Debbie.” The woman snorts sarcastically. “Like you’re one to speak.” She has a point. I smile over at my son. 

“I promise to let Justin see you more.”

_After all of this is over._

Gus smiles and hugs Justin around the neck. Justin hugs him back, talking to my son in an annoying – I tell myself over and over again that it isn’t cute – childish voice about something stupid. I meet Debbie’s gaze, a little knowing smile on her face, and I glare at her. She just thinks I was thinking that the three of us would make a fucking beautiful family. Because I wasn’t thinking that. God. Really. As if. Gus tugs at my arm and my attention is taken away from annoying Debbie to my son. He smiles shyly up at me. “Daddy?” I smile down at him. “What, Sonny Boy?”

“Isn’t Jus Jus pretty?”

Oh. God. What was this? Was there some kind of…conspiracy going on against me? I look over at Justin whose cheeks are suddenly a light shade of pink. He’s smiling over at me though, he too is waiting for my answer. God. Children and their…stupid questions. I smile down at my son and nod my head. “Yes, Justin is very, _very_ pretty.” I wink over at the blonde before leaning in and kissing him. He’s the first to pull away, blushing still. “Don’t start anything in my living room, boys.” I roll my eyes over at Deb. He eyes are glued to the television screen but she has an amused smile on her face. 

“And that’s just what I was planning on doing. Starting “ _something_ ” right in front of my son.”

Debbie grins.

“Wouldn’t be surprised. Wanting him to learn early and all.”

“Not _that_ early.”

I smile down at my son who, thankfully, has no fucking idea what we’re talking about. Debbie changes the topic of conversation to a more uncomfortable one. “So, where ya guys gonna go?” I glance over at Justin who merely shrugs and begins bouncing Gus up and down in his lap causing the little boy to burst out in little childlike giggles. I sigh, running a hand tiredly through my hair. “No. Fucking. Idea. I need to find a place.” Debbie was silent for a moment and then, suddenly, slightly startling Justin and I, she burst out with an “Oh I know!” I raise an eyebrow. “You know _what_ exactly?”

“You remember when you were a kid and you used to go with Mikey, Vic and I camping? Ya know, we camped at that little cabin in the woods and there was a huge lake and hiking trails?”

Like I remember a million things from my childhood. Honestly. I do slightly remember that though.

“Sure. What about it?”

“Well, I’m friends with the woman who owns it…as far as I know she isn’t renting it out for campers anymore and, if you _wanted_ , I’m sure I could get her to let you two go up there for a little while. Until all this…blows over.”

Justin practically beamed.

“Yeah! Brian that would be fun! A cabin _all to ourselves_.”

Yeah, the ‘all to ourselves’ part of that did sound fun. I don’t know what else he thought would be fun, the lake was probable infested with some sick disease or something. I shrug. “Sure. Tell her I’ll pay her whatever. As long as I can fucking get out of here.” Gus suddenly looks over at me, pout on his face. “You’re leaving, daddy?” Yeah, that’s just what he needs. First his mothers leave and now he thinks I’m leaving too. I quickly shake my head, stealing my son away from Justin and placing him in my lap. 

“Of course not. Justin and I are going on a trip. To spend time together.”

He’s quiet for a second. Then,

“You will be back?”

“Of course we will. Soon. It’s just a short trip.”

God, I _hope_ so.

Debbie gets off the couch. Gus looks relieved and goes back to talking nonsense. Something about dinosaurs. “I’ll go call Martha, then. I’ll ask her.” I nod and glance down at my son. “It’s time for your bedtime, Sonny Boy.” He frowns and begins to protest but I shoot him “The Look’ and he immediately stops talking and nods. “ _Ok_.” I stand up, holding him against me and Justin follows suit. As if he doesn’t want to leave my side for more then a few seconds. I don’t blame him. I grab his hand and we head up the stairs and I place my son on Michael’s old bed. “Good night.” Gus smiles up at the two of us.

“Good night, daddy. Good night Jus.”

Justin bends down to kiss him on the cheek before I lead the two of us out, flicking off the light. “Do you really think I’m _pretty_?” I grin over at the blond and gently pin him against a wall, forehead leaning against his. “I think you’re more then pretty, Sunshine.” Justin’s silent for a moment and he kisses me on the lips for a few split seconds before pulling back to yawn. “Yeah, well, I think you’re pretty.” I roll my eyes. “Take that back. Now.” He grins and pushes me away.

“I don’t think so. I’m going to bed.”

“Yeah? Where exactly?”

“On the couch.”

“Alone?”

He pauses and then smiles at me.

“I was hoping you would join me,”

His smile slowly disappears.

“After all, I don’t really like sleeping alone these days.”

I smile softly at him, grabbing his hand in mine again. We head back down the stairs. The TV’s off and Debbie’s in the kitchen talking to, who I assume is, Martha. I fall down on the couch after turning out all the lights and pull him in next to me. “You don’t have to sleep alone, _Jus Jus_.” I can imagine him rolling his eyes. “I think I like it when you call me Sunshine better.” I cross my arms over his chest and hold him tightly against my body. The blinds are drawn tight. Good. 

And, despite the fact that it’s only eight, we both fall asleep.


	5. Light in the Black

  


Tangled tongues and lips,  
See me this way  
I'm turning and turning for you  
 **Say Goodbye – Dave Matthews Band**

**_______________________________**

**Justin**   


“Oh, look, there it is!”

I point out the jeep window as it bounces down the dirt road towards a huge cabin. “Woo. Hoo.” I glare over at him. He hasn’t exactly been a bundle of joy. The entire ride here he made remarks about the cabin, the lakes and the woods. They hadn’t been nice ones either. “Can you at least _pretend_ you want to be here?” He looks over at me, shrugs, and focuses on driving the rest of the way up the driveway without saying a word. I roll my eyes and, when we park, I get myself out of the jeep by myself. He glares at me for a few seconds.

“You could’ve just waited for _me_ to get the door for you.”

“Why? I’m capable of getting it myself. My hands work _wonderfully_ …as I’m sure you already know.”

He doesn’t even crack a grin. He only shakes his head, walks to the back of the jeep and grabs his three, large suitcases out. He smirks over at me. “Since your hands work wonderfully, then I’m sure you’ll have no trouble getting your own shit.” I cross my arms over my chest. I’m not trying to be difficult. It just comes…naturally. “So you’re going to leave me out here all alone while you go inside and put your stuff away? Something could attack me or something. Like a bear.” He rolls his eyes but stands there as I slowly grab my bags out of his jeep. I do it as slowly as possible just to get on his nerves. Once I’m done he sighs with relief. “It’s about time. C’mon.”

I follow him towards the front door and then follow him inside.

It’s surprisingly ultra clean. Not a speck of dust or dirt in sight. I look around. Nice. “This is a lot better then the hotel you picked out for us, that’s for sure.” He doesn’t disagree and I grin. “See, you even agree with me. I don’t hear you complaining now. This is almost as clean as your _loft_.” He rolls his eyes over at me. “Can you ever not be immature? Is that too much to ask for?” I shake my head. “You obviously like my immaturity or you wouldn’t have fucked me.” He shrugs. “You were hot.” 

I raise an eyebrow.

“ _Were_ hot? You mean I’m not anymore. Wow, I got the totally wrong impression then.”

“Fine, you’re still hot.”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

“In fact…you’re so hot that I think we should just unpack later.”

I roll my eyes and shake my head. I wander towards the stairs, which leads upstairs where the bedroom is located. “I don’t think so. I’m tired.” Suddenly Brian’s hands come around me from behind keeping me from going up the stairs. His mouth attaches to the back of my neck and begins to nibble and lick as one hand slides down to cup my crotch. The other hand just holds me tight against his chest. “Bri- _ian_! I’m serious. You **must** learn to control yourself.” I try to wrench myself away from him but he’s stronger then I am and there’s no way he’s going to let me go without a fight.

“When I’m with you I _can’t_ control myself. You should be flattered.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere.”

Though his hand rubbing my cock like that probably will. His lips smile against my neck.

“You know, when I first fucked you, you were always ready for me to do it again. Every single minute of the day. You were always _begging_ for it. Ready to bend over anything just as long as my dick was up your ass. What happened to _that_ Justin?”

I smile slightly while trying to pull away again. 

“He’s retreated to a nice warm bed to get some rest. Then he’ll be up and ready to go.”

Brian’s hand squeezes suggestively around my dick.

“I think he already _is_ up and ready to go.”

“Brian, please, I just want to unpack and take a walk.”

He snorts.

“A _walk_? You’d rather take walk then me up your ass?”

“If you take a walk with me I promise I’ll let you fuck me all night long.”

He’s silent for a few seconds and then he’s dragging me towards the front door. “Good. Let’s get this walk over with.” Laughing, I pull away from him. “After I unpack my things.” He sighs, disappointed and follows me up the stairs not forgetting to make raunchy comments about my ass on the way up. And what he’s going to do to it.

_______________________________

**Brian**   


I hate the woods.

I hate anything that has to do with the outdoors. Well, when I have to actually engage in outdoor activities such as walking down a dirt path under trees in the woods. There are animals in the woods. And animal shit in the woods. I can’t believe I actually let Justin drag me out here for a stupid walk. What’s the point of going on a walk when there was a huge bed in the bedroom that needed to be broken in? I’m jerked out of my thoughts when Justin grabs my hand, shakes it to get my attention, and points over at a bird.

A fucking _bird_.

I need an alcoholic beverage to get through this.

“Justin, it’s just a bird.”

“It’s a _cool_ looking bird.”

“It’s a bird that I don’t _care_ about.”

Justin glares at me. I know I’ve pretty much been an asshole. The whole entire way up I had done nothing but tell him how much I hated the idea of us coming out here. I knew he wanted me to stop too. And, I should stop. After all, we were out here to try and protect him from that stupid violin-playing freak. I should be happy to come out here as long as he’s safe. And I am. I’m just not exactly _showing_ it. “Can’t you just be… _positive_ for once in your life?” I roll my eyes, looking around the woods. Anywhere but at him. Or I might just be positive like he wants me to.

“ _Always_ negative. If I was positive that wouldn’t be very good would it?”

“I didn’t mean that, asshole.”

I pull him against me, hand resting on his neck to keep him from pulling away.

“Now that’s a word I’m fond of.”

He rolls his eyes, clearly not happy with the way I’ve been acting.

“Yeah. I know. Let me go.”

“I don’t think so.”

Instead of letting him go like he requested, no, demanded, I wrap both my arms around him and hold him up against me as tight as I can without cutting off his air supply. His hands between our chest try to push me away but we both know he’s weaker then me. “Brian…you said you’d go on a walk with me first!” I grin and don’t comply when he tries to push my arms out of the way. “And I did. We’ve been walking for ten minutes.” Justin rolls his eyes. “No, more like _five_ minutes. You can still see the cabin from here.” I sigh, look over my shoulder and realize he’s right. He’s right a lot of the time. I look back down at him and I can see the hope that I’ll let him go in his eyes.

“Yeah, well, I never said _how_ long I’d walk with you.”

“Fine, then you can leave and I’ll walk by myself.”

Of course he really wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t let him anyway.

“No you will **not**. You’re never going anywhere alone as far as I’m concerned.”

He smiles slightly.

He always smiles when I say something that makes me sound…protective or something.

“Yeah, I know. You’re getting annoying.”

“I am not. You know you like me following you around everywhere.”

“Only when you’re not an _asshole_. Like now.”

I grin and quickly let go of him and take a few steps back. He raises an eyebrow at me. He obviously hadn’t been expecting me to let go of him so quickly or at all. “Fine, if you want to take a walk you _can_ do it on your own.” He smirks and crosses his arms over his chest. “Fine. You can go back to the cabin.”

“I will.”

_______________________________

**Justin**   


I turn away from him knowing full well that he would never leave me alone and let me take a walk all alone. Except when I look over my shoulder a few minutes later to smile at him he’s not there. Of course, I don’t start to panic. Not right away. I turn around and look back from where I came waiting for him to jump out from behind a tree and yell out ‘Gotcha!’ and laugh at me for thinking that he was actually gone. A few more minutes pass and my smile disappears. He should know not to play tricks on me like this. Not when I’m already scared to death because of Ethan.

“Brian? C’mon! This _isn’t_ funny.”

I don’t know if I’m actually hearing the snaps of twigs and the rustling of bushes all around me or if, since I’m slowly starting to panic, my ears are just playing tricks with me. All I know is that my heart is starting to beat really fast in my chest and I’m actually starting to worry. Brian would never leave me out here alone. He wouldn’t. He didn’t even _look_ serious when he told me he was going to leave. “Brian! Stop being a shit!” I cross my arms tightly across my chest, spinning around in slow circles to look in the direction of every little sound that I hear. He’s really freaking me out.

“Brian! C’mon! Where are you?”

No reply.

God, I hate him right now.

I’m really starting to freak out. I think I’m having a hard time breathing. I **am** having a hard time breathing. Suddenly a pair of arms wrap around me from behind and Brian’s laughing in my ear. “I so got you!” I spin around in his arms pushing him off of me with all my strength. He looks, needless to say, very surprised at my hostility. Asshole. “What the fuck is your problem?” He raises an eyebrow. “What?” I shake my head, hand running furiously through my hair. My heart’s still beating really fast in my chest. “You fucking scared me!” He steps forward and I, in turn, step back. “Justin, I was just kidding.” I shake my head again glaring daggers at him.

“It wasn’t funny. You can’t just leave me,”

“I didn’t leave you, Justin. I was here the entire time. I wouldn’t leave you alone like tha,”

I cut him off.

“You shouldn’t have done _that_ either!”

He sighs.

“Look, I’m sorry, I,”

“I was scared to death! How could you do-”

Then, somehow, I let him grab me and pull me into his chest.

And I’m a sobbing mess.


	6. Light in the Black

  


 

My stupid mouth  
Has got me in trouble  
I said too much again  
 **My Stupid Mouth – John Mayer**  
________________________________

**Brian**   


Yeah, I never should have done that to him. It would’ve been totally different if Justin hadn’t been in danger of some stalking bastard but…dammit. I was such a fucking asshole. That had been a very, very bad idea on my part. Scaring him like that. God, he had been horrified and it was because of me. _Me_. I don’t regret tons of things in life but I really, _really_ regret scaring the hell out of him like that. I regret even more when, after I led him back to the cabin, three hours later (It’s now dark outside), he’s still not speaking to me and noticeably ignoring me. Whenever I walk into the room he gets up and leaves.

Without a word.

I’m fucking stupid.

Sighing, I walk up the stairs and into the bedroom, the last room he'd fled into to escape me. As soon as I make an appearance he got off the bed, probably to hurry into the bathroom and lock himself inside for hours. 

“Don’t even _think_ about it, Taylor.” He stops. He’s only five steps away from the bathroom. I lean against the doorframe and cross my arms over my chest. “No more running away from me.” He glares at me. “I _wasn’t_ running away from you. I was going to the bathroom.” I smirk. Probably _another_ bad idea on my part.

“Yeah, right. I’m not stupid.”

“I beg to differ.”

Ouch. I deserve it, though. I shrug.

”Differ all you want, but you are _not_ going into that bathroom.”

He stands up straight and crosses his arms over his chest.

“You’re gonna stop me?”

“ _Yeah_.”

“Yeah. Right.”

I watch as Justin makes an attempt to walk into the bathroom. In five seconds I’m off the doorframe. I stride over to where he is, and grab his body and pull him against mine. Then I pin him against the wall. I won’t even give him a chance to squirm away from me. No matter how much he punches my chest with his fist and no matter how much it hurts as he starts to punch harder and stomp purposely on my feet. God, he’s really fucking pissed at me. I’m so fucking stupid sometimes. “Let go of me!” I don’t comply. Again. “Justin. Just… _stop_.” He doesn’t stop. He doesn’t stop struggling and he doesn’t stop yelling at me and telling me what a stupid, idiotic bastard I am.

If I had known that what I did would’ve fucked him up this bad I wouldn’t have done it.

I really wish I hadn’t.

“Justin. Please, just stop.”

“You need to let go of me _now_.”

“Not until you stop and listen to me.”

His hands stop thumping against my chest and his body practically falls limp in my arms. I think he might cry again but he doesn’t. “Good.” He doesn’t say anything, just glares up at me, hands resting tensely on my chest, waiting for me to talk so he can listen. I draw in a deep breath and loosen my hold on him so I’m not suffocating him or hurting him. “Justin, I didn’t mean to…piss you off. I was _joking_. Yeah, I know it was a bad joke and I’m…sorry.” God. I hate saying sorry…especially when I actually mean it. And when it sounds so…ridiculous. “I’m sorry that I scared you. I wasn’t…thinking.” I also hate admitting that I’ve done something wrong. Something the blond knows a lot about. 

I move a hand up to his face, cupping his cheek. Something that started as nonsexual turned sexual in about five seconds when the soft feel of his skin goes straight to my dick. Come on, I’ve been sexually deprived for two days and here I was, pressed up against him in a bedroom.

It would’ve been perfect, if he hadn’t been pissed at me.

The memory of fucking him raw just two days ago makes it worst. Damn me and my ‘being stupid _sometimes_ ’ tendencies. “You won’t do it again?” I shake my head. I mean it too. “I promise.” And I **never** break promises. Especially ones I intend to keep with every fiber of my being. Like this one. “You won’t leave me alone?” I shake my head. “Never.” He finally smiles and I sigh with relief. That’s probably good news for me and my cock. And his ass of course. “I love you.” 

When he says that, sometimes I wonder if he ever expects me to say it back. I know he wants me to but I’m not sure if he _expects_ me to. Then again, I have no idea _what_ he expects of me. I can only stand there against him and not say anything. I hope he doesn’t make me say anything or ask my why I don’t say anything back ‘cause I want to but…I don’t at the same time. Then again, I’ve fucked him raw, so what have I got to lose? I’ve already broken one of my rules. Why not break another one and actually tell him how I feel?

I decide against it and kiss him, instead.

A few minutes later I have him on his back and my cock lubed. His fingers are gripping tightly to my shoulders, legs locked around my waist, and his own leaking cock is trapped between our stomachs. I push inside, and this time I actually take the time to feel. To feel every single sensation as I sink into him raw for the second time. God, I almost come right then. The feeling of his muscles squeezing tight as I move in deeper make me feel dizzy. I can hardly breathe and, by the look on Justin’s face, he can’t breathe either. When I move out again, so fucking slow I’m gasping, and push forward again, he’s coming between our stomachs and I don’t last much longer after that. Like a fucking teenager.

“Oh god…”

He’s right. Oh god. I pull out of him. After I pull out and roll over, not wanting to crush him, although I'm not at all sure he would mind if I do. I pull him against me though, the come on his stomach mixing with my sweat. All hot and sticky and I don’t care. He smiles timidly at me. “I lasted longer when I was a virgin.” I chuckle and shove a hand through his sweaty hair. “I have that affect on people.” He rolls his eyes and swats at my shoulder. 

“Shut up! You lasted like, what? Two seconds?”

“ _No_.”

“ _Yes_.”

I choose not to answer him even though he’s right. It might as well have been two seconds. I yawn and pull his body tighter against me. I plan on just letting myself fall asleep like this. All dirty. But Justin has other plans. I open my eyes as his head rest in the crook of my neck and shoulder, tongue sliding and teeth nipping at my skin. “Brian?” His tone of voice clearly states that my cock isn’t done with his ass yet. That he wants more and that he wants it now. I guess I should be happy since I had been begging to fuck him a few hours ago. “Hmm?” He’s silent for a few seconds, teeth, lips and tongue still trailing lazily across the skin of my neck. I could fall asleep to him doing that.

“Tell me how it feels…when you’re inside me raw.”

I’m just about tell him just how fucking good it felt when a phone starts ringing. Justin groans besides me and rolls off the bed, digs in his pants pocket and pulls out his cell phone. He immediately looks concerned when he looks down at the number. “Who is it?” He looks over at me and shrugs. “Unknown number,” He bites his bottom lip and holds the phone out towards me. “Can _you_ answer it?” I quickly nod. Of course I would. I’d rather me answer it if the number’s unknown anyway. Getting ready for some stupid ‘heavy breathing’ thing on the other end of the line, I answer.

“Hello?”

“Brian!”

Daphne. Fuck her!

“Damn you and your fucking _interrupting_ tendencies. I was just about to talk dirty to your best friend”

Justin looks thoroughly relieved that it’s Daphne and not his stalker. I close my eyes and hope that Daphne doesn’t talk to me any more. That she’ll be courteous and not ask to talk to Justin so we can engage in hot, raw fucking. “I’m sorry.” I shake my head. “No you aren’t. You’re probably laughing your ass off. Can you call back later? I need to fuck him.” She giggles. Stupid bitch. I, grudgingly, love her though. I could really strangle her right now. What is it with her and her fucked up timing?

“I need to talk to Justin.”

”I’m the screener. You can’t get to him unless I think the call’s worthwhile.”

Suddenly Justin snatches the phone out of my hand and walks out of the room, saying something to Daphne still beautiful, naked, and slightly hard. I groan and feel like having a tantrum like a little baby when it doesn’t get his way. I hate Daphne. Hate her right now.

________________________________

**Justin**   


“We got to Vermont yesterday morning.”

I sigh into the phone, glad to know that she’s safe and that she’s not anywhere near me. I pad out of the bedroom and down the stairs so I’m not tempted to hang up on her with Brian’s naked, glistening body in my line of vision. I don’t thing she’d appreciate it. “I’m glad you’re safe.” Daphne sighs on the other end of the phone and agrees. I smile and, once in the cozy living room, I fling myself on the couch and stare at the dead fireplace. I’ll get Brian to light it later. 

“Guess what, Daph.”

“What?”

“Something happened.”

Her voice is slightly concerned.

” _What_? Are you ok?”

“I’m _more_ than ok.”

“What happened, exactly?”

I look towards the stairs to make sure Brian isn’t coming down and then, “He fucked me _raw_.” Silence and then: “Oh my **god**! Are you serious?” I have to hold the phone from my ear because she’s being so loud. When she’s done, I hold the phone back up to my ear, smiling. “When? I thought he was against all of that raw stuff.” I shrug then realize that she can’t see me. “Two days ago. He is, _was_. That’s besides the point.” I listen as she sighs on the other end. “That must’ve been hot.” I laugh. “It was hot.” 

“Are you almost done, Sunshine?”

A few seconds later Brian pads down the stairs. He has the decency to put on sweat pants. I shake my head and he lets out a loud sigh of irritation. “Tell Daphne to hurry up. I have needs, too.” I roll my eyes and proceed to listen to Daphne as she tells me about their cabin that they were staying in while in Vermont. “It sounds amazing, Daph.” She sighs. “Yeah, it is. What about your cabin? Debbie told me you were staying somewhere in the woods. Brian must be _flipping_.” I laugh and Brian looks over at me with a raised eyebrow as he strides over to the couch I’m sitting on. He sits down next to me and his hand comes to rest on my naked thigh. I shoot him a warning look and he only shrugs.

“He is flipping. He complained all the way over here.”

Brian rolls his eyes, fingers trailing lightly over my skin now. I swat his hand away but a few seconds later his hand is back on my thigh, sliding up and getting closer and closer to my cock. “You’d think he’d be happy to do this. For you, I mean.” I grin. “He is happy to do this. What’s not to like about getting a hot blond like myself out in an isolated cabin?” Daphne laughs and agrees. My breath hitches as his fingers wrap around my cock causing it to go from half limp to rock hard in five seconds. Daphne must’ve heard. “What’s wrong?” Oh, if only she knew. “Nothing. I, uh, I have to go. Brian’s threatening me.” _Yeah_. 

“Alright. I’ll call you tomorrow sometime. G’night.”

“Goodnight.”

Brian grabs the phone out of my hand with his free one as soon as I say ‘goodnight’ and flings it on another sofa, where it lays forgotten. His hand pumping my dick picks up speed and he teases my neck with his teeth. I let my head fall back on the comfortable cushions of the sofa. I wrap an arm around his head, fingers pulling at his hair, and place a hand over his pumping one and help him jerk me off. “It feels so fucking _amazing_ when I’m inside you raw…” I gasp as his lips brush across my ear, hot breath making my entire body start to burn. Inside and out. “You can feel everything…fuckin’ amazing.”

His hand squeezes around my cock for a few seconds, thumb rubbing over the slit repeatedly.

“And when I come inside your tight ass…”

God, I can still feel the dry come on my ass and thighs. He bites down on the lobe of my ear and I let out a moan of frustration. I want and need to come so fucking bad, but he won’t let me. No, not yet. “It’s so fucking-” he bites roughly at my ear lobe again. His tongue slides across my neck and collar bone. He starts to pump his hand faster and harder, thumb pressing hard against the head of my cock. God, I feel so fucking dizzy right now. “ _Hot_.” As soon as he says ‘hot’ I come in the palm of his hand. Just like clockwork.

“Brian!”

He leans over and captures my lips with his and drowns out the sounds of me calling out his name. His tongue shoves into my mouth needily. Wanting. His hand covered in my come slides up my chest between our mouths leaving a trail of the liquid. I suck a finger into my mouth tasting myself on him and my dick begins to come to full alert all over again. I don’t think this night will ever end. Another finger slides into my mouth and I lick it clean until every one of his fingers has been in my mouth and sucked clean. By the time I’m done sucking his fingers, I’m so hard it hurts.

An hour later, after he’s fucked me again, I’m lying on his chest, our bodies sprawled out on the couch.

My hand begins sliding over his chest and then down to his taut, muscular stomach. I love touching him. He’s fucking perfect. A fucking god. And his skin is glistening with sweat, which makes him all the more appealing. I nuzzle my nose against his neck, burying my face in the space where his neck and shoulder meet. “That sounded fucking hot…you telling me.” Brian nods against my forehead but says nothing so I keep talking. Out of habit. “Maybe…you could…sometime give me a chance to experience it.” He says nothing still but I know what he’s thinking -

**Fuck no**.

Brian has told me time and time again that he doesn’t bottom for anybody. But a little part of me hoped that someday he would. Plus, me topping for once didn’t even seem like a huge deal anymore, now that he’s fucked me raw. I sigh and slowly sit up, positioning myself between his legs. “I’m starving. You go take a shower and I’ll make dinner then I’ll take a shower.” He grabs my hand to keep me from getting off the couch. “No, we’ll shower together and then I’ll help you make dinner. I’m not leaving you alone anywhere.” I smile and yank his arm, pulling us both off the couch.

“Sounds good to me.”


	7. Light in the Black

  


Place your mark on me now  
Hang your star on my form  
Hold your hope to my arm  
Place your faith on my charm  
 **Perfect One – Sneaker Pimps  
______________________**

**Justin**   


An entire week goes by and…nothing happens. Absolutely nothing except for insane amounts of fucking. Everywhere in the entire cabin. Brian even went on a walk with me a few days ago…it turned out he only went with me because he had been planning to fuck me in the lake that was about a ten minute walk from the cabin. Fucker. I had thought he went with me just…to be with me. That’s Brian for you. I feel his hot breath on my face and I slowly open my eyes. What the hell is he doing? It’s not even light outside yet. Groaning, I turn away from him and make him face my back. Take that.

He grabs my shoulder and rolls me back over.

“Sunshine, get your ass up.”

“What the fuck are you doing? What _time_ is it?”

“Two.”

What the hell is he waking me up at two in the morning for? I shake my head and rub my eyes. “I’m not letting you fuck me. If you’re that horny you can go jerk off.” He laughs and I wonder how he sounds so…awake right now. “You and I both know I can get you to change your mind about that in a matter of seconds.” He’s right. All he has to do is look at me a certain way and I’m ready for him to shove his dick up my ass. Yawning, I look over at him tiredly. Can’t he see how fucking tired I am? It’s his fault too…for fucking me so long. “Why are you waking me up?”

“We’re going on a walk.”

“A walk? Are you on fucking drugs?”

I’m really starting to suspect he’s on something.

“No, I’m not on anything. I want to go on a walk. To the lake.”

“Why? So you can fuck me there?”

“That is a good thought but no. I just simple want to go on a walk. With you.”

Is he serious? Is he actually being sincere? I raise an eyebrow up at him and study his face. He looks as serious as he ever looks but I can never really tell with him. Not all the time. “What?” He rolls his eyes and grabs me by the arm and begins pulling me out of the bed. “What do you not understand, Sunshine? I said I want to go on a walk with you. Hey, there’s a full moon.” I rub my eyes with my free hand as he helps me stand up off the bed. He’s freaking me out. “Since when are you interested in that?” Brian grins and begins helping me put on a shirt. I don’t mention that it’s one of his shirts. Then he helps me pull on some sweat pants. “Since it makes me horny as hell.”

“I knew this was all about sex.”

“It is not. I was _kidding_.”

“Fuck you were. I know fucking is going to come into this somehow.”

“Hey, it’s not _my_ fault that I can’t keep my dick out of you.”

I smile as he helps me down the stairs and then out the front door. It’s a cool night and I wrap my arms around Brian’s waist and he wraps both of his arms around me. I warm immediately. He always has that affect on me. He leads us towards the path that leads us to the lake. We walk in silence for the entire ten minutes and he’ll kiss me on the forehead every now and then or on the mouth. Slow, tender kisses that don’t mean he wants to fuck me. He just…wants to kiss me. Yeah, he’s really freaking me out tonight. I don’t exactly mind him acting like this though either. When we reach the lake I continue my hold on him, my head resting against his chest. I could fall asleep standing like this if I tried but I’m too busy staring at the lake and how beautiful it looks with the full moon reflecting off of it.

Making it shine.

“Brian?”

“What?”

“Are you alright?”

He looks down at me, eyebrow raised.

“Ye- _esss_.”

“Are you sure?”

“Justin, I’m fine. Is there something wrong with me wanting to come out here with you?”

“Yeah, when it’s two in the morning.”

He grins down at me and cups my face in his hands and kisses me long, slow and tenderly. This walk isn’t turning out so bad after all. I’m not even feeling tired anymore. “Do you wanna know the real reason I brought you out here?” I look up at him in anticipation, his hands still cupping my face, and I slide my fingers through the belt loops of his jeans. I nod, curiosity very present on my face. He grins and gives me another one of those slow, fucking awesome kisses and then pulls away.

“I brought you out here ‘cause…I like the way…you look when the moonlight shines on you. You look fucking…unreal.”

_This_ is fucking unreal.

I blush and he brings his lips down to kiss me again, this one more fierce than the last few. He pulls away leaving my lips swollen and my lungs empty. “Let me make love to you. Right here.” Make love? How can I say no to a request like that? I nod, not trusting myself to speak. I wish there was a full moon every night if it makes him act like this. He lifts my shirt off of my shoulders then my sneakers and then my pants. He lets me help him get undressed and we let our clothes fall carelessly to the ground. Brian doesn’t even complain about his clothes getting dirty. I wonder if I’m dreaming all of this. 

He brings our bodies together and we somehow end up in the lake a few minutes later. The water is surprisingly warm but a comfortable warm. “Wrap your legs around me.” I do as I’m told and I wrap my legs around his waist, my arms around his neck, and press our lips together. I’m still confused. Confused as to why Brian’s acting like this but I’m not going to complain. If he wants to act like _this_ …than that’s perfectly fine with me. His hands grip tightly but gently to my hips and in a matter of seconds he’s inside me and he’s somehow moving in and out of me. In the fucking water. His actions are just too hard for me to grasp.

______________________

**Brian**   


I totally understand why Justin would think I’m on something or if he’d think I’m sick. I’ve never acted like this before. I don’t even like to use the words ‘make love’ because I _hate_ those words. And I definitely don’t like to act all…romantic and tell people things like I told him. But it’s the truth. He does look fucking unreal. Just like he does now with his head tilted back exposing his fucking eatable throat. With his lips parted in quiet moans of ecstasy. God, I need to _make love_ to him in lakes more often. So, anyway, I can see why he’d think there’s something wrong with me and…there is something wrong with me.

I’m in fucking LOVE with him.

I’m fucking terrified for him.

I’m fucking…fucked with worry for him.

All this stalker business is finally taking it’s toll on me. Sure, I’m fucking ecstatic that nothing has happened for an entire week but…this isn’t right. Ethan is off his fucking rocker and I know he has to know where we are…so I just don’t know one thing. Why the hell hasn’t anything happened? I’ve been waiting, every fucking morning, afternoon, and night for something bad to happen. I can’t even sleep because I’d rather watch Justin sleep and know that he’s ok because I. Fucking. **LOVE**. Him.

That’s why I woke him up at two this morning.

I wasn’t even asleep.

Neither of us last long. Soon he’s spent and I don’t last much longer after he does. He hangs limp around me, legs still wrapped securely around my waist. I pull out of him even though I don’t want to and cradle his face in my hands so I can look him straight in the eyes. He grins tiredly at me, moonlight making him look…as I said…fucking unreal. Beautiful. He’s the most perfect man I know and I don’t know how the fucking hell I lasted without him before. He smiles shyly at me and I realize I’ve been staring at him for some time now, just cupping his face and…staring at his perfection.

“What’s wrong, Bri?”

I smile softly at him and shake my head.

“Nothing, nothing at all. Everything’s perfect.”

I pull his face towards mine for another long breathtaking kiss and I do something that I told myself that I would NEVER do. Something that’s completely foreign to me. Something that…I need to do. Want to do.

“Justin,”

He watches me expectantly. Beautifully expectantly.

“I…I love you.”


	8. Light in the Black

  


Will you be there for me, every time I go away   
Will you be there for me, thinking of me everyday  
 **There For me – Josh Groban**

**______________________**

**Justin**   


He **loves** me.

 

I always knew he loved me. I could always tell he did but he had never _said_ it. I love full moons. After he told me that he loved me he had kissed me long and deep. Forever it seemed like. I wish he could’ve kissed me forever. That would’ve been heaven. His confession made me giddy for the next three days. He didn’t say it again. And I don’t care either. He said it once and he meant it. That’s all I need. Sure, I wouldn’t have minded if he said it everyday like the normal couple but I’m happy with what I get. From what I know about Brian Kinney – him saying that is a big thing for him. I look over at him. He’s sitting next to me on the couch flipping through a magazine.

 

“Brian – I wanna go back _home_.”

 

Nothings happened for a week and three days. That’s a long time. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending all this alone time with him but…I do miss civilization. I miss my friends. I miss everyone and being isolated like this is starting to get old. “I know you do, Sunshine. I do too.” I sigh and snuggle up against him. I know it annoys the hell out of him when I do this and he’s trying to read or something. I do it anyway. Like he can ever push me away. Surprisingly, he doesn’t even try to make me go away. His arm comes up and wraps around me and pulls me closer. He _has_ been acting more clingy than usual lately.

 

“Then I don’t see why,”

 

He cuts me off.

 

“Yes, you do. If we go back you’ll be in danger again. We’re obviously pretty safe here and I’d really like to keep it that way,”

 

He looks over at me for the first time since this discussion has started and smiles softly at me.

 

“I don’t want anything to happen to you. We’re staying _here_. Plus, I like having you all to myself.”

 

I smile and kiss him lightly on the mouth before pulling away.

 

“I bet you do.”

 

I head over to the stairs and stop once I reach them. “I’m going upstairs to sleep. You haven’t been giving me any rest lately,” He smirks at this. Fucking idiot. “And I’m going to need energy if you plan on keeping me up all night for the rest of our stay here.” He throws his magazine down on the empty space next to him and jumps up off the couch. When he reaches me his arms wrap around me from behind and his chin rests on my shoulder. I sigh and lean back against him. “You’re not gonna let me rest are you?” His teeth attach to the lobe of my ear for a second before answering.

 

“Of course I will, dear. Someday.”

 

“I have a feeling that ‘someday’ means _never_.”

 

“Some people would be ecstatic to be fucked by me for eternity.”

 

“Believe me – I’m more then ecstatic. I’m tired too.” He grins and kisses me once more on the cheek. His arms leave me and I’m about to ask him to come upstairs with me. Not that I need to ask him. He will anyway. There’s no way in hell he’ll let me out of his sight. But he beats me to it. “I’ll be right up. I’m gonna get a CD out of the jeep.” I nod and start up the stairs as he walks the opposite direction to the front door. I can’t help but decorate my face with a happy/giddy/silly smile on my way up. I don’t think anyone can be more in love than I am right now. It’s not even possible. 

 

A loud gunshot brings me out of my giddy daze.

 

And into a horror daze.

 

My first thought is, ‘ _what the hell was that_?’ and then, when it all registered in my head, ‘ _ohmygod, ohmygod, is Brian ok_?’ I’m down the stairs in about five seconds. The thought that it probably isn’t safe for me to go outside doesn’t even register. All that’s running through my mind is that I need to get to Brian because if he’s hurt then, god, I don’t even want to think about that. I swing open the door and the first thing I see is Brian lying on the ground, which doesn’t help anything that I’m feeling right now. I don’t see anyone else but that doesn’t mean that that ‘someone else’ isn’t still here. Watching from his or her hiding place and laughing their asses off. Without a second thought about someone else being out here, I jump off the porch and hurry towards the jeep. I sigh in relief when I see that he wasn’t shot in the head or the heart.

 

He was shot in the stomach, though, and that can be bad.

 

Oh _fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck_.

 

“Brian? Brian, please be ok.”

 

He’ll be ok. He has to be. If he isn’t ok then I have no idea what I’ll do. He doesn’t respond and I’m not sure how bad the wound is. All I see is lots of blood oozing out of him. My heart beats faster and I think I start to cry but I’m not sure. I hurriedly reach into his pocket and pull out his cell phone and dial 911. They say they’ll be there in a matter of minutes but who knows if they will. Then I call Debbie. “Hello?” I realize I’m crying when I realize I can’t really see straight. I bite at my bottom lip. “De-Debbie. Som-something happened…” I quickly use my free hand to press it tightly against where he got shot. I’m not trained in this kind of thing but I’m not stupid either. I’m not going to let him bleed more then he has to. “Sunshine, what’s wrong?” I look down at Brian and I start to cry harder and I can hear Debbie telling me to calm down over and over again.

 

“Someone shot him!”

 

Silence on her end of the phone.

 

“T-the police are com-coming…but he’s not awake and there’s bl-blood _everywhere_ …”

 

Me saying that doesn’t help anything. Debbie’s crying too, I think. No, I know she is. “I’ll call the others…call me when the police and the ambulance get there.” We hang up and I’m more than extremely upset now. I’m scared – not only about Brian but also about the fact that the person who did this to him is probably still really close by. He’s probably watching as I sit here on my knees crying over my boyfriend and could, if he wanted to, come over here and kidnap me or something extreme like that. I tell myself not to think like that. That’s not helping anything. 

 

I feel slightly safer when I hear the sirens come closer and closer.

______________________

They stopped the bleeding.

 

No internal organs were damaged.

 

They tell me he’s going to be fine.

 

He didn’t even lose that much blood – it had just looked that way. They told me it was a smart thing, me holding my hand against it like I did. I ignore them though. Brian won’t be ok until I see him. He won’t be ok until he’s awake and being an asshole and actually looking me in the eye. He won’t be ok until I say he’s ok. “Can I see him?” The doctor says not yet. That they’re still stitching up the wound. But it shouldn’t take long. In a few minutes. The minutes seem to tick by like hours. Like forever. Oh, god, this is **my** fault. I’ve already been responsible for three deaths…even if Brian says I wasn’t. Mel, Linds, and JR. I don’t want to be responsible for Brian’s either. Especially not Brian’s. My cell phone rings.

 

“Hello?”

 

“It’s Debbie, Sunshine.”

 

“Hi, Deb…”

 

“How is he?”

 

“They say he’ll be fine. I can’t see him yet though.”

 

I don’t know how I’m talking right now. I think I cried out all my tears. Now I’m just…crying in my head.

 

“He’s gonna be transferred back to Pittsburgh as soon as he can be moved.”

 

“Yeah, that’s what the doctor told me…”

 

“He’ll be ok, Sunshine. He’s strong.”

 

“I-I know.”

 

I see the doctor walking back towards me.

 

“I have to go. The doctor’s coming back.”


End file.
